I've made things worse

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
I've made things worse
6
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 12:15pm
I think I have made things worse than they were. Our family went to see a family counslor to help us all deal with DD2 rape and everything that has happened because of it. She wants to go back to school so badly. We can see that she truly isn't ready. She is not dealing with it. She is trying to push it further down. She is trying to put on a good front. So before our first session on Tuesday we all discussed that emotions were going to be raw but everyone needed to be truthful or it just wasn't going to work. Everyone had to be ready to hear and listen to each other as well as dear doc. Session 1 went ok but DD2 did leave angry. We tried to talk to her later but it became clear to leave her alone. We were asked to come back the very next day (yesterday). We did and of course all of the cards were put out on the table so to speak. Dear doc explained to DD2 that in his professional opinion she was not ready to go back just yet. He feels that she needs some work with a professional with expertise in her areas of need. He gave her 2 #'s with names and said to tell them that he asked her to call. Of course this did not sit well with her. After we left she screamed at me that all I was trying to do was keep her in a prison. That home wasn't
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 2:50am

(((hugs))) I'm sorry to hear you and your daughter are going through this. I have a very close friend who is like a sister to me. She's also a victim of sa, and like your daughter, she also made extremely poor choices (meeting men on the internet, doing drugs, attempting suicide,

Alisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 6:26pm
i dont want to force her to deal with this...she said she wanted too but then pushes everything and everyone away if its something she doesn't want to hear...such as shes not ready to go back to school. As far as the car enabling her..please let me explain a little. After this happened to her...she went online found a "friend" who turned out to be another creep. He listened to her talked to her said nice things and before she knew what happened he had talked her into doing "things to herself" on a web cam and was in the process of talking her into leaving the state to met him. I found out just in time. I got her to see what was happening here. Then another creep comes along...saying nice things she latches on...female counslor says not a good idea...she "dates" anyways...I find out he is still married...big blow up she finally sees this was not a good idea...next thing I know shes received a text message to meet married man at motel and she was lying to us to go to him. I have given back the computer and phone as she did pay for them they are hers. The car was going to be hers after it was paid off provided passing classes and no trouble. (never had any before...till now) Thats why we took it away to to keep her from running. I dont want to hurt her. I want nothing more than to help her and LOVE her. But she doesn't want even my love. She just keeps on pushing me further away. I can't do this anymore. I have pushed my health concerns to the side trying to be there for her. I seems like she doesn't think she deserves anything better. She says that she likes herself but she just keeps doing things to put herself in positins to victimize herself again and again like the above or cutting herself . we just told her to pack her things and we will take her back as soon as she wants. we can't keep this up. she says she cant stand me. when she says i love you it sounds forced. i told her i would leave her alone and when or if she calls or needs help i will be there for her. until then i will love her from a distance. i am devasted ...all ive ever wanted is for her to be happy, healthy and strong.....she was strong enough to live but now she is dying inside and all i can do is watch from a distance.
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 6:25pm

Bingo! Say no more!!


Frankly, after reading everything that you and your husband are doing, if I were in your daughter's shoes, I'd probably feel as though my boundaries don't matter to anyone, not to men and not even to my parents. Like Melissa said, you can't fix her and you can't make her face this until she's ready. But your daughter has two things that are lightyears beyond anything most of us had, and that's 1.) this isn't a secret (although her pain is still hidden)

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 6:04pm
All I could do....hold her...tell her its not her fault....tell her how brave shes been and that its not fair but at the same time we must acknowledge, accept, get help so that she can become stronger for it to go on to
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 4:03pm
This is only my opinion so don't think I am telling you what you HAVE to do.
 

 

 

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 3:00pm

She actually got to a good point last night when she broke down about the injustice. How did you respond to that?

**gentle hugs**

Gail
**gentle hugs**