OMG I can't believe myself

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
OMG I can't believe myself
4
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 7:59pm

OMG I can't believe I have been so awful to my DD2. It just hit me that as much as i want to help her, I instead must have been hurting her more. That has never been my intention. I have been in tears for a while now. I tried to talk with DH but ended up yelling and crying. He wont accept this or what we have read. He wont even touch the book I have. He hears and trys to understand it. He says he gets it but really he doesn't want to. This is his baby girl. I am no better than he. Yes, I have read things till I'm dizzy and I found you to ask questions and to use as a sounding board. But really I wasnt listening either. I just now got it. I have said things to her that may have hurt her more. I cant believe myself. Yes i want to help her more than anything...i understand now that when she asks all i can do is offer advice and be with her if she chooses to accept it. I get now that the reason she wants to go back is to take some control back of HER life. Not because she wants to be there but because it is something she is controlling. All I can do is be here when / if she calls for help. And right now she wouldnt call me if I were the last one here because Im not helpiing im hindering. I want so much to just take all the pain from her..."fix" the problem like I used to...this can't be "fixed". I dont know how to sit back and keep my mouth shut till spoken to about this. Now I know I have too if I ever want her to trust me ....Thank you for being here. You dont know how much I appreciate you and ALL of your comments. Some of you were right I didn't like what was being said but 'you' are the survivors here...you know what you are talking about coming from your own situations. I thank you so much for being patient with me. Maybe now I , too, can begin to accept this and begin, slowly, to rebuild our relationship and learn how to step out there with her not pushing her.


Yes, there is injustice here. She says she wants to fight for justice but now instead of pushing her, I will learn to stand there with my hand out and my mouth shut until she speaks.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 8:49pm

Yes, your daughter is the one who experienced the trauma.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 9:07pm

You are a wonderful mother and I can see from your posts that you love your DD so much and only want what is best for her, to protect her.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 10:29am

Hey C gurl,


Don't be too hard on yourself here.

LUCKY

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 9:19pm

Thank you Lucky,


I did apologize (actually we both did at different times) and I made sure not to use but anything. Her dad asked her to write down what she wanted us to do and not to do. She said she would and we said we would do our absolute best to abide by it until she changed anything on the list and then we would change according to what she wanted. We have gone about this wrong with good intentions. Good intentions are not always the answer though. This is all about her and we are to