desparate help....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
desparate help....
10
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 2:24pm
Not sure if I should be here or the self injury board - my head is swarming - so, so much going on. I think I'm remembering more stuff......
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 2:43pm

Hey Bexter,


Welcome to the board. I'm not quite sure what sort of help you need. Perhaps it would be best to call someone at RAINN

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 2:48pm

bexter,


I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

LUCKY

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 3:04pm
I don't know what to do - ss is going to want to talk to my T and I'm so afraid of what might come out of it. I totally lied about not going anymore since the social worker was blunt and asked right in front of my husband then said what r u going for. I told him it was none of his business. My husband doesn't trust my T and I'm just trying to get things back to normal and am trying not to have anymore stress in my life but now I'm terrified and don't know what to do....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 4:29pm
Bexter we are here to listen.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 4:50pm
w/ the last incident he went a little crazy ( he is bipolor and won't take his meds) and i called my T because i was scared and she called the police so he blames that on her. The last incident where he got into a drunken stupor (he rarely ever drinks) and woke up - he blacked out and beat me. He has never laid a hand on me before but this time one of the kids saw it and called 911. I rather him not know i am still seeing a T because he doesn't understand and thinks me trying to figure out what has happened to me in the past is in his words "How can you not remember being abused - that's impossible" so after a statement like that I don't want him to know. he is not on meds and i rather just tip toe and make everything ok. I've got such a bad urge to cut, drink do whatever it takes to not think right now and going to the hospital would not be a good thing. I've got to maintain control and be a good girl to everyone else when deep inside I'm losing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 5:28pm

Bexter...I am a recovered cutter. I say recovered because like being an alcoholic, you can always slip back. You and I cut because we have learned that it is the fastest and most potent anxiety reliever there is. No drug can compete. But it has major drawbacks as you know...including the involvement of social services.

I'm sure you've learned other ways to harm yourself that don't show as much. We are nothing if not crafty. But I know why I cut and I'd be more than happy to talk to you about it. But you need to put down what you plan to use to cut yourself and type instead. I've got nothing to do this evening and I'm here. You can contact me here or by email through the Profiles.

I understand the ss situation as I was also involved with them. My ss worker became my therapist after she quit the dept. I was lucky. I've heard the horror stories. And tell your hubby that not remembering abuse is far more common than he knows. The mind hides what it doesn't want to remember. How many of us remember every bad thing that ever happened to us in childhood? We remember the good and forget the bad. It's just normal.

Contact me if you want to talk and not cut. Those scars never go away and I can tell you, as a grandmother, I'm not looking forward to the day I have to explain them to my granddaughter. It's hard enough explaining them to everyone else who notices.

I'm here if you are willing.

very gentle hugs.................JennyB

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 01-13-2009 - 5:29pm

Honey, I can feel the pain and fear in your voice.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 9:31am

What is IMO? Sorry, but I just can't figure that one out. Didn't cut last night - I was able to refrain from it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 10:56am

Hi bexter2000,


IMO means, in my opinion. After reading your posts I was so relieved and happy to hear from you that you did not cut last night. My daughter is a cutter. I did not know till very recently. She says that she has not done it since Novemeber and I must take her word for it. But I see the scars and it makes me so sad that I couldn't be there to comfort her in the moments she needed it most. (she never told anyone except someone on the internet that was not good for her) She covered it so well. But now that I know why she did (does? I pray everyday that she won't) I pray that she now knows that she can come to us or any of her friends to talk about what it is that is making her upset even if it is us. I gave her a lil card as she left for school with a few numbers on it just in case if things got to be to much and she didn't think she could tell anyone. here are some for you. http://www.selfinjury.com/
Self-Injury Hotline
SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program
www.selfinjury.com
1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
1-800-999-9999


You are a strong person. You have a recent victory. I give to you gentle hugs as you are here today without cutting yesterday.


Walking in Faith......

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Wed, 01-14-2009 - 1:35pm
I'm so glad that you didn't cut last night.