I'll get right to the point.
Answering your question about getting control back.
I thought I had cracked that one, the last few months have been me delighting in the fact I feel more in control and have my power back.
However, I have come back to earth with a bang and am still having an issue with it. The woman that recently bullied me has left me feeling so sick and anxious, feels like all my control has gone.
I don't know that there is an actual way to take power back, it's more a feeling you get as you get in touch with feelings, mourn stuff and put toxic people at a distance. It's about realising in your heart that you have power, a lot more than you realised and it's about looking at what you do now that is still giving power away.
Sometimes we don't realise we are sabotaging our own happiness by letting others control us. Before I thought I couldn't make decisions for myself, I would make small decisions but always check and double check with others over other big stuff, in my heart I was convinced others knew better.
However, I was so unhappy living by everyone else's rules and ideas. One day it clicked inside that I was believing I had no control due to other feelings of worthlessness, shame like I am bad etc.
If I said to you 'can you ask a bad, worthless, shameful person what I should do with my life or what decisions to make' You would quite rightly say 'no way' you wouldn't trust them to make a good decision.
So if this is how we feel about ourselves (that we are bad etc.), we are hardly going to trust ourselves or our opinions. But this is how we take control back, by feeling good about ourselves, trusting and believing ourselves and that we know what's best for us and while others may mean well, they are not walking in our shoes.
Thanks for getting back to me.