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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
????
6
Mon, 02-02-2009 - 10:29pm
Hi Ladies Its been a few weeks but I am back and still a bit confused. Do you feel damaged and Ugly still?? I do after being SA by my father at about age 4, I finally dealt with and confronted him during a therapy session about 8 years ago. It helped tremendously I actually forgave him and I have let him back into my life. Its odd I forgave but can never forget. He apologized at the therapy session and it was amazing how different I felt afterwards like a weight had been lifted that he actually admitted acknowledged and and apologized.
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: hrtease2
Tue, 02-03-2009 - 10:54am

Wow, I can almost feel the sense of relief you experienced after that session with your dad. That must have been amazing! But I think sometimes an experience such as yours can open the way for the deeper feelings to emerge. Although we would like to think something like that would have the cathartic quality to remove ALL our pain, unfortunately it just doesn't seem to work like that.


You'll hear therapy described as an onion where you end up going deeper and deeper through the layers. But I my healing has been more like a garlic. I can work

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: hrtease2
Tue, 02-03-2009 - 2:09pm

Gail I started counseling 8 years ago and then sort of dropped it i felt like I was doing ok on my own.My way of dealing with this has always been ok I get out what bubbles over and then I think ok im dont until of course it bubbles over again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: hrtease2
Tue, 02-03-2009 - 6:37pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
In reply to: hrtease2
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 1:03am

I know exactly how you feel. I've always struggled with those issues and still do, even today. I know I'm loved, and I'm not Ugly or 'damaged' but I still feel that way every so often...sometimes with months of not feeling that way. I think its somethign I may struggle w/ for most of my life.


Alisa


Alisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
In reply to: hrtease2
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 5:11pm

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Tressa))))))))))))))))))))))))


hugs......... I wish I had the answers for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
In reply to: hrtease2
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 6:16pm

Tressa, I've read your posts but never responded to you until today. There's a little secret about abuse that you don't know until it happens....it echoes. It will echo throughout your life. I ended therapy 21 years ago then it echoed with my near death experience and again with the birth of my granddaughter. But it gets easier and almost expected. You shed some tears, maybe see a T for few sessions and it's gone until next time.

I too, forgave my parents but I'll never forget. With time, it fades and kind of takes a back seat to the rest of the "stuff" life throws at you. But you can't forget and with time, you don't want to forget because you'll be able to reach out to others and help them. Unfortunetly, I don't think SA is going anywhere. We are our own best resource because we've been there. And someone will need you someday to reach out your hand and help them. That's why you can't forget.

One thing I don't think a lot of people realize is that we need time to mourn. We lost something when this happened and we need to grieve and mourn that loss. And we need to reclaim what we lost in the best way we can. I reclaimed some of my innocence by being a kid at heart when it comes to animals. I was just outside feeding 2 fawns that come to my house every afternoon. The moms don't trust me enough to come when I'm outside but the fawns do. It's my Bambi. My innocence. Figure out what you lost and find a way to reclaim it.

It will get better.

gentle hugs if you withstand hugs.............JennyB