I went there willingly -Trigger Possible

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
I went there willingly -Trigger Possible
7
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 3:59pm

Hi Everyone,


I've been working with a memory in therapy. Drilling into memories is rarely fun but I uncovered something this time that really disturbed me.


***Possible Trigger***


As some of you may

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 4:58pm

((((((((((((((((((Gail))))))))))))))))))))))) only have few minutes.... have to get back to the hospital.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Thu, 02-05-2009 - 5:59pm

Shannon is right. Don't blame yourself. And I'll give you a bunch of reasons.

1-negative attention is better than no attention
2-sometimes sexual abuse can feel good and if it doesn't hurt, why be afraid of it?
3-10 year-olds back then(the good old days) didn't know what 10 year-olds today know!
4-perpetrators are the best con artists in the world, bar none. They could rape the Brooklyn Bridge
5-your only sin was loving candy! Repent by giving candy to more kids(and yourself) so they don't have to go to candy stores owned by dirty old men!
6-all 10 and 11 year olds get bored.....they are ALWAYS bored it seems. Repent for your sin of being bored by doing something significant with the next 10 year old who tells you they're bored!
7-and most important....he knew what he was doing and it was pre-meditated. He set you up because he knew you were being abused. He could have helped but he CHOSE to hurt you. Yes, you chose to go to the candy store but as an abuse victim, you had no idea that men didn't do what he was doing. For all you knew, maybe this was normal. That's how I grew up. Some people hurt you and some people didn't....that was the way of the world. At least that's how I felt as a child. And no one told me anything different. Now you and I both know that people should hurt other people especially adults sexually hurting little kids.

You are only questioning your actions because you are now and adult who knows better. When you were 10 you only knew what you had lived so far.

gentle hugs..........JennyB

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 4:09am


Gail {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am SO SO sorry for what you had to go through. Right this second I have a strange feeling in my entire body. I think that is bc I am relating to what you have said. After sooooooooooooooo many years of therapy I finally HAD to talk about guilt or guilty feelings I should say.

I can only IMAGINE how you felt and are still feeling. Honey I KNOW how difficult this is. In my book, I did talk about this subject, but NOT ENOUGH!

I know for myself, I was always drawn to my abuser, who was my father. My mother was distant, and he was abusive both sexually, verbally and emotionally. But...the ONLY time he wasn't abusing me verbally was when he was sexually abusing me. BIG SIGH...he was NEVER violent with me and there were times when it felt good. This is where the guilt came in. None of us wants to think that...I have worked through this part. I don't know if any of this makes sense to you, or even helps. I just wanted you to know that the guilt you might be feeling can and should be left behind; bc you are NOT guilty of any wrong doing. I think when we are lacking love and or affection from our parents we try to get it elsewhere. I wish I could give you a hug. Keep talking about this subject until you can release yourself from this HUGE burden.

Love and hugs,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 2:43pm

Becky.....I've left a couple of messages for you on the Depression board but since I blew off the 2 cl's, don't know if I'll be back. I hope you keep posting here.

Either way....I'm going to try to email you. My other computer died and I've got my son's so I'll try to get your email from the old one. I've missed you.

gentle hugs.........JennyB

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 6:32pm

Hi Gail,

I can only second what the others have already said ... my abuse went well into my teen years and I put myself into the situation because it felt good. I enjoyed the feelings. Yes my abusers were older and knew better than I did and they were the ones in the wrong.

Somehow I've learned to accept the fact that I cannot take blame in this. I can take blame in letting it continue to control me now that I'm older, I'm capable of getting counseling and medication and am slowly dealing with things all these years later.

I hope you find the peace you need and remember you are not the one at fault.

hugs,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 4:22pm
Gail, I really don't think it was that unusual for you to go to the candy store.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 3:49pm

(((((Gail))))) I just read your post and I'm sorry for what happened.