new here, heres my story

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
new here, heres my story
6
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 10:51am
hi everyone. My name is Rae Marie. I was molested in the fall of 87/spring of 88 by my stepbrother. It happened because I was alone and scared and vulnerable. My biomom had died in fall of 85. My dad met and remarried my second mom in summer/fall of 87. Mike was very angry. He wanted to get back at my folks. I was in a bad way. I was an only child. My dad and I couldn't communicate. I was 12. When my mom died my dad checked out on me. He sunk himself in work and community clubs until he married my mom. I was blessed with an angel down the road. They were there for me when my dad wasn't/couldn't. I tried to commite suicide in 88 to get my dads attention. I tried to tell him what Mike was doing. I failed on all counts. Mike finally told when he had a mental breakdown. CPS told my parents Mike couldn't come home or else I would be taken. My parents still didnt' believe me. I ended up pg. My parents decided I was having an abortion. Still, the didnt' protect me. Mike pursued me still, though he didn't actually get to touch me again until summer of 90. He, his wife, and his baby daughter were moving back home. I was told to help him move. He attacked me. I fought him off and choked him until he passed out. But I couldn't tell. So they moved in. THat entire summer I lived in terror. I was home alone every day with Mike and his baby. He pursued me. Climbed in bed with me after the house was empty, found reasons for me to drive him places so he could have me alone, would get in the shower with me, come up behind me while I did dishes.He did finally rape me. His wife found out and we got into a very physical fight. I found God then. I found courage to tell my folks---again. And again I wasnt' believed. I was told I probably enjoyed it. That was the last I spoke of it with them. Once or twice a year since then Mike will approach me. I shut him down. My dh knows and has threatened him. Now fast forward to 2 weeks ago. Mikes youngest came forward and accused him of molesting her. His other dd also has sorta spoke up as well. His current wife (#3) called the cops. My parents are protecting Mike. For the first time in years I have spoke about the abuse/rape/terror with my father. He still doesn't quite believe me. He has forbidden me to talk to my mom, my other brother, my sister or Mike. Mike is NOT his biochild btw. Mike hurt me and I am being cut off from my family? Why? Because I told my other brother what Mike has done. My other brother has a child. He has the right to protect his child. My parents decided that they wanted to keep this a secret. I won't stay quiet any longer. I will not stand by and let another child be hurt by Mike. I am angry. I feel betrayed. I am hurt. And Mike is being protected. I need help. Right now I can't even begin to wrap my head around finding a counselor to help me. I need to vent. I hope that is ok here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 7:42am

I am not sure how much good it would do me to talk to the police. What Mike did to me was 20 yrs ago. That statute of limitations ran out long ago. It has been mentioned that if Mike drags this into court that I may be called to the stand as background but not proof. I will do what I have to do, what I can do.

I have to keep reminding my folks that MIKE did this, not me, not the girls, not anybody but Mike. IF my other brother blew up because of the news, that is Mikes fault, not mine for telling. Same with my sister. I think my father knows that though. My mom on the other hand.... She has always protected him. Always felt guilty for something from his childhood. Something she wont' explain or talk about. Even my other brother nad sister don't know what that is about. But nobody is happy about her protecting him. I told my dad yesterday that her protecting him may cost my parents the chance at getting custody of the girls. They need to kick him out. Let him fend for himself in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 02-11-2009 - 7:36am

I absolutely agree that my brother should be in prison. He may have already been arrested. He was told by the detective that if he didn't show for a polygraph yesterday that a warrent would be issued. This may very well be a scare tactic since it is basically his word against hers but that is what he has been told. My niece has also been told that if Mike does not show for the test that they will make her take it. I am not sure if they can do that to a minor. Again, is is a scare tactic to make sure she is telling the truth?

At least he is not in the home with any children. Both of his girls are in their home with their stepmother and stepsiblings---for now. My SIL has been told that cps is going to take the girls into custody once this test is taken. There is currently a restraining order in place as well. For now we are having to take it one day at a time. What stinks is that I know this can go on for a very long time. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 6:20pm

(((((Rae Marie))))) Yes, it is very okay to vent here! I'm glad you found us and felt comfortable telling your story. That's a very brave thing to be able to do. I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you know and believe that you are NOT responsible. You did nothing wrong. And we believe you. No one here doubts you at all.


Your parents want this to be a secret. Tough. That's how abusers get away with this. Speak up and tell everyone. I'm glad you told your brother. I'd love to see you go to the police and tell them what he did to you so that they can help your nieces. They need someone like you to stick up for them and let them know they're not to blame either.


Sadly, these things are so hurtful, and then families compound the issues by deciding that the person who was abused is supposed to keep quiet. I'd have loved to have had parents like Elizabeth Smart who supported her and were there for her and never blamed her for anything that happened. Most of us are here because our families were like yours and the abusers get blamed.


I am so sorry for all you've been through. I hope you'll

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 5:48pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 2:43pm
Thanks for your support. It is not easy. I thought I had dealt with this long ago. I found healing and forgiveness. I serve a great God for sure. I have spent many a meal accross the table from Mike over the years. I have helped him when he was down. I understand why my folks acted like they did. Abuse is not easy for anyone. I get that. I had people in my life to help me over time. This all just opened up again for me because my niece has come forward. I really didn't think he would ever hurt his children. I was 13 to his 16 when stuff started between us. He was angry and spiteful because he had been made to leave his home and school his jr yr. Does not justify anything but I do understand. I feel a bit better now. I spoke with my father earlier. I can see where he is coming from now. He is afraid for my mother, so am I honestly. She has had stress related strokes (thanks to Mike) before. My father says he is afraid the next piece of information may give her a mental breakdown and/or another major stroke. It isn'ts that she isn't dealing, she can't. I understand that too. My dad is walking on eggshells with my mom and so am I. I won't force her to relive the past. Heck, I haven't even told her that I completely support my nieces. I just stay pretty quiet and listen. Believe it or not, until this mess, I was closer to both of my parents than any of my siblings. I felt very betrayed yesterday by my conversation with my dad. Not so much today. Of course, today nobody was screaming or crying. Mike was to take a polygraph today but refused. Supposedly 2 things are to happen, 1 he is to be arrested (deosn't make sense though. If they have enough to arrest him without the test why make him take it?) and 2 they will make my 12 yr old niece take it. Can they do that? The only thing I know for sure is that Mike needs to be out of my parents house. It isn't healthy for my folks. I am afraid for their wellbeing. I have pulled myself up out of this once, I can do it again. I just hurt for my nieces.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 2:10pm

(((((HUGS))))) for what you've suffered and (((((HOORAY)))))that you are protecting other children from this man.

Families never want to believe the truth. Then they would have to believe that they missed it and didn't protect you. They are pushing you away because they don't want accept their own roles and guilt. IGNORE THEM. You need to do what is right and that is protect other children. I'd go to the police and tell them everything. If he did it to you and is now doing it to his own daughters, he will do it to anyone and probably has. A study was done many years ago that showed that the average number of victims of molesters in prison was close to 200. How many more has your step-brother abused?

You need to see a counselor who deals with abuse victims. Your children deserve a mom who is emotionally whole. They can feel your anger and kids tend to blame themselves for what a parent is feeling. Pressing charges against your step-brother might help to get some of the anger out. But you'll have to be prepared for the family turning on you. That's where the therapist really helps. They weren't much of a family, were they. Families are supposed to protect and nurture and they did neither. You have your own family now. They will become the family who was nurtured and protected and they will support you. Forget your family of origin. They must deal with the truth and their personal truths for not believing you and letting this young man hurt others unstopped. Your parents are personally responsible for the molestation of their daughter and grandchildren.....a lot for them to deal with. Some parents just won't listen!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am blown away by your strength! Everyone here has a story and you can vent all you want here. We all do. It is a sanity saver. And we are here to support you. I'm just so PROUD of you for telling your brother so he can protect his daughter. You can't change what you went through but you CAN stop him from doing it to anyone else.

I hope you'll stay and keep us informed as to what you do. I for one want to know another monster is off the streets!

gentle, gentle proud hugs............JennyB