Scared Husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
Scared Husband
4
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 6:59pm

My wife is in her late forties, she started having problems with repressed memories surfacing about a year ago. We went to a counselor who told us my wife is better off if she can rerepress the memories, which has worked somewhat


She was abused by two different male relatives as a young teen and it went on for quite a while

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: hubbyfred
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 7:51pm

Fred, I am Brenda the cl here I have been answering your posts on Solo Sex.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2009
In reply to: hubbyfred
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 8:38pm

Brenda, I agree that all the memories need to come out, but it has to be in my wife's timing.


I read Wounded Heart and that really helped me understand what my wife is working thru. I told my wife I am with her all the way and will always be there for her


I need to be patient and understand...I have noticed lately that if I talk more about sex and creative ideas , she is a bit more open


I'll check back in a couple days and post an update


I very much would like to hear you and your husband's story, I will look for it on the Boards

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: hubbyfred
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 8:49pm

but it has to be in my wife's timing.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
In reply to: hubbyfred
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 11:51am

Just wanted to add my thoughts...


As a survivor I know when I was with my ex and attempting to process all the dozens of feelings I had pertaining to myself and my life as a result of my sa, I'm sure it was a devastating time for my ex-husband. I flip flopped all over the place sexually for a long time...he tried so hard but unfortunately through it all it was too much for him...and our marriage suffered as a result. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad for me, or for you to fear an end to your own marriage. I'm sharing this so you can see that I truly was so overwhelmed that I really didn't know what I wanted one day to the next. We never attended any kind of couples counselling...but I did go see a counselor at a sexual assault center here in our city and it was a tremendous help. I attended SA groups and counseling biweekly and it was an amazing journey for me. Of course like anything...your wife can't be forced to go...its something that she needs to feel that she needs to do for her...not for you or for your marriage...but for herself. Hopefully, this is something you can share with her..I can empathize with you Fred...because I know what my healing did to my ex...something he didn't do was seek counselling for himself...which was something that my counsellor suggested and I think that really may have helped him personally...not saying it would have changed the outcome of our marriage...but helped him...I would strongly encourage that to you. Supporting someone through any trauma will be draining emotionally...especially if its something that you can't understand first hand. Just know I'm thinking of you and your wife and wishing you both success!!