starting therapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
starting therapy
18
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 10:16pm
My life is on a downward spiral. I dont even know where to start with this, so please bear with me. I have over the past few years made some REALLY bad decisions, i dont feel like I am a bad person, but I do feel like if I dont get help now, things will keep getting worse for me. A part of me feels like a lot of my current issues are a direct result of something that happened as a child, something I have repressed for a very long time, I have never spoke of this to anyone, except recently my H, but he is less than supportive, and has no clue how to be there for someone in need, so I can count him out. I have an appt with a therapist in a few weeks, I feel like I am ready to talk, but when the time comes, what if I clam up, and cant get it out? has anyone been in this situation? I just hope this therapist is a good fit for me, cause the last one I had, tried to hit on me, I have a woman this time. I am scared to death to get even a little bit of these emotions out, I am afraid i will lose my mind, anway, thanks for reading.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
In reply to: cmty
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 10:26pm

Starting with a new therapist can be anxiety producing all by itself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: cmty
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 1:22pm

Sometimes when I've had something I needed to say in therapy, but feared I wouldn't be able to say it, I'd write it all down ahead of time. I'd get it all out on paper. That also helped me to have less clutter in my head and I didn't have to worry about forgetting anything important. Sometimes at therapy I'd not be able to say what was written so I'd ask my therapist to read it. Other times I was able to read it to him. And sometimes just having put it down on paper made it easier for me to say the words without

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: cmty
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 3:59pm
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Welcome to the board I'm glad you found us, though I wish there were no need for a board like this.

My name is Brenda I am the cl here.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 9:02pm
Thank you everyone for your responses, I am anxious for monday, I just hope I can start putting my life back together, I feel very out of control right now, and dont really know how to start putting the pieces together. I guess one step at a time is best. Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 2:16pm

I hope that your therapy goes well. I understand about never telling anyone what happened. I never told anyone about the SA. I didn't believe that anyone would believe me. Especially my family. So I kept it to myself. When I was younger I had no idea that it was wrong! I hope that you will connect to your new therapist. I know I didn't talk much the first few times I met with mine. But now she can't get me to be quiet. NOt that she wants to.

((((((((GENTLE HUGS))))))))

Good luck.

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Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 10:14pm
Was it hard for you to start talking about it? I am afraid it is going to open up some feelings and emotions I have not let myself have for all these years, but I think it is time to start healing, I cant live my life like this anymore, my kids, and my husband are suffering because of it, and I want to change, I believe it is time to move on. I hope it goes well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 02-25-2009 - 11:29pm

It was definitely hard to open up to someone. I had held it in for so long. I really wanted to let it go because I knew it was effecting my family. I understand how it can effect your hubby and children. I was there. I am healing. I didn't get there in one day though. OF course I didn't start talking about that until about 3 months into my sessions. Finally one day I mentioned it and we discussed it and were able to get into the discussions more deeply as time went on. Then 5 weeks ago this SA group started and I was invited to participate. I love it. IT is nice to have other women who have been through what I have been through around. It is easier to open up because we have all been there! I just barely told my husband about it. I had been disassociating for some time with my husband and he had no idea that was what was causing it!!! Now he does.

Seriously though just take it one step at a time. Baby steps are sometimes necessary to help in the healing process. Tonight we had group and it was REALLY hard for me. Some nights are harder than others. Some sessions of counseling are harder than others. But sometimes when you can just talk and feel angry and scream and the person who is with you in the room doesn't judge you for it. IT feels good. And they are able to give you tools and coping strategies to help you through the pain and sorrow and the hurt.

I hope that you are able to work through it. I understand how hard it is to want to finally tell someone and have that person believe you! It was such a relief when my counselor didn't question me and believed me.

Good luck and if you have any more questions don't be afraid to ask me. I am getting to the point that I can help out when I am up to it :)

((((gentle hugs))))

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Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Thu, 02-26-2009 - 9:04am
Thank you so much, it must be a great feeling to start letting go, i am looking forward to it, I know it may take a while, but I am finally ready to deal with it. I think the death of my father, last year was a trigger for me, he was involved, indirectly, (not the perpetrator), and I feel like my family, mom and sisters are avoiding me and purposely not calling, they know I am having a hard time, but out of sight out of mind for them, has always worked best, I cant do that anymore, and I am going to tell them when I am ready. Anyway, thanks for your support, how long have you been on this board?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: cmty
Thu, 02-26-2009 - 11:21am

I have only been a part of this board for a couple of weeks now. I lurked quite often but only started posting recently.

Last night in our group (hard though it was) we talked about Blinders. Meaning that those of us who have been abused wear some sort of odd glasses/blinders that make us see the world differently than it really is.

For example (forgive me for this one) when we "think" that people are avoiding us because of what has happened in our lives. Often times we think what we may at the time believe and that just may not be the case. I too had those blinders on. I didn't believe that my parents loved me. (They don't have any idea that any of this happened to me!!! and I really don't intend on ever telling them mostly because I dont' think they will believe me) I was so convinced that they didnt' care because they didn't notice when I was having serious depression and problems after the abuse happened. I put on my blinders. Recently I have cleared them a little and I am able to see that they do indeed love me. It is a little overwhelming and maybe they have always been that way but I just didnt' see it. It has been hard for me to adjust to them actually showing love towards me. It is very odd....I almost feel like running away from it. However I am going to stick it out because hopefully I will be able to see things that way always. I know it will take time.

Anyway that is what we talked about last night and given your post I thought I would share it. Be patient. Through the counseling the blinders will start to fade and things will seem real again. You will stop thinking the negative and start seeing the positive. I am just starting to see the positive and I have been in counseling since October.
(good grief I am starting to sound like a counselor! LOL!)

You are loved! You are special! You are WORTH IT!

Take care,

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Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 8:12am
Once again, thank you for your kind words, I do think I have blinders on, and I also feel I have been so cold to people lately, especially my husband, I won't let myself get too close, as a means of coping, and he is really feeling this lately, I want to be able to feel closeness again, this is why I am starting therapy. Have you shared your story on this board? I kind of want to, but yet again, I am afraid.

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