starting therapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
starting therapy
18
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 10:16pm
My life is on a downward spiral. I dont even know where to start with this, so please bear with me. I have over the past few years made some REALLY bad decisions, i dont feel like I am a bad person, but I do feel like if I dont get help now, things will keep getting worse for me. A part of me feels like a lot of my current issues are a direct result of something that happened as a child, something I have repressed for a very long time, I have never spoke of this to anyone, except recently my H, but he is less than supportive, and has no clue how to be there for someone in need, so I can count him out. I have an appt with a therapist in a few weeks, I feel like I am ready to talk, but when the time comes, what if I clam up, and cant get it out? has anyone been in this situation? I just hope this therapist is a good fit for me, cause the last one I had, tried to hit on me, I have a woman this time. I am scared to death to get even a little bit of these emotions out, I am afraid i will lose my mind, anway, thanks for reading.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 4:40pm
That is wonderful.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 2:19pm

That is absolutely wonderful and GOOD to hear. I am glad you were able to open up to someone. It is okay to build a trust with someone before you tell them everything! Good for you. Sometimes it will be really hard and other times you will totally understand it. I am proud of you for going to your therapist and opening up! Keep up the great work and you will be able to heal!

Good luck also when you start taking your hubby. I don't have that luxury because mine works away from home during the week. Anyway good luck and I hope to hear many more happy posts from you. Also if you have to post angry mean horrible posts thats okay too :)

Cynthia
You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 1:47pm
Hi opal, and thanks for your reply. Well, one thing she suggested was to write a letter to the person involved, eventhough he has since passed away, she feels like this will give me a bit of closure. Also, she suggested I keep a log, basically of how I deal with situations in my life right now, and maybe come up with an alternative way of coping. I also have a list of books to read, and my husband will start going to therapy with me, when I am ready for that, it may be a while until I am ready to share with him.
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 12:59pm
I'm so happy to hear things went well and you're feeling more confident. That's awesome!! I'd love to hear more about the tools your therapist suggested, too.
**gentle hugs**

Gail
**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 11:45am
just an update, I had my 2nd therapy session today, didnt say much iin my first session, but today, it all came out, and I feel GOOD! It is a start to rebuiding my life. As you could imagine, I was a blubbering mess, but felt comfortable talking to my therapist about it. She gave me some tools to start healing, and I as very excited about this. I know it will take time, but it is a start.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 1:34pm
I love that quote about living in the present, it is perfect!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: cmty
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 1:28pm
It is very difficult starting thereapy.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: cmty
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 9:32am

You know, I haven't been ready to share it here quite yet. I am getting closer to being able to share it but I am not quite there yet. I am still working through quite a bit of anguish and pain and I want to work through it all before I go around sharing it. I am learning a lot about myself through counseling and Group and I think I am getting closer. I wish you the best of luck. Let me know if you need anything You are always welcome to email me through my profile.

Cynthia
You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Fri, 02-27-2009 - 8:12am
Once again, thank you for your kind words, I do think I have blinders on, and I also feel I have been so cold to people lately, especially my husband, I won't let myself get too close, as a means of coping, and he is really feeling this lately, I want to be able to feel closeness again, this is why I am starting therapy. Have you shared your story on this board? I kind of want to, but yet again, I am afraid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: cmty
Thu, 02-26-2009 - 11:21am

I have only been a part of this board for a couple of weeks now. I lurked quite often but only started posting recently.

Last night in our group (hard though it was) we talked about Blinders. Meaning that those of us who have been abused wear some sort of odd glasses/blinders that make us see the world differently than it really is.

For example (forgive me for this one) when we "think" that people are avoiding us because of what has happened in our lives. Often times we think what we may at the time believe and that just may not be the case. I too had those blinders on. I didn't believe that my parents loved me. (They don't have any idea that any of this happened to me!!! and I really don't intend on ever telling them mostly because I dont' think they will believe me) I was so convinced that they didnt' care because they didn't notice when I was having serious depression and problems after the abuse happened. I put on my blinders. Recently I have cleared them a little and I am able to see that they do indeed love me. It is a little overwhelming and maybe they have always been that way but I just didnt' see it. It has been hard for me to adjust to them actually showing love towards me. It is very odd....I almost feel like running away from it. However I am going to stick it out because hopefully I will be able to see things that way always. I know it will take time.

Anyway that is what we talked about last night and given your post I thought I would share it. Be patient. Through the counseling the blinders will start to fade and things will seem real again. You will stop thinking the negative and start seeing the positive. I am just starting to see the positive and I have been in counseling since October.
(good grief I am starting to sound like a counselor! LOL!)

You are loved! You are special! You are WORTH IT!

Take care,

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Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!

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