spoke to my dad

Well, my dad called last night and I dealt with the situation over the phone. He made it sound like he didn't want to deal with coming over so I went with it. It did not go well at all. I stayed very very calm and even toned. I didn't cry, didn't raise my voice, didn't get hysterical. I didn't fight back. I told him that we just wanted to be fair and communicate with him. Told him DH and I have talked about the situation and have decided that our children will not be permitted to be around Mike. I told him that he and my mom are welcome to see the kids any time they wish at our house. They just can't be around Mike. My dad got mad. He told me that I would have to rethink that because that wasn't going to work. Have I thought about holidays? Mike WILL be there for those, am I not going to show up anymore? I repeated that we will not allow our children to be around Mike and yes we have thought about holidays. I told him I have to take care of my family the best way I know how. He told me that keeping them from the family is a stupid way to take care of them. He told me I was a selfish b**** and that my only goal appears to be to hurt him and my mom. He tried to guilt trip me about how hard this was going to be for my mom. He called me a drama queen. Told me I was making a big deal out of nothing. Told me I have nothing to worry about and creating drama must be my favorite pastime since I quit working. He was kinda mean and I felt very slapped in the face and sick. I did throw up when I got off the phone. It was horrible. He is trying to squash my feelingings once again. Trying to tell me that they are make beleive. Why do people do that????? Nobody can tell another person how they feel. I told him in response to his tirade that I am waiting on a referal for counseling. He said "great, now the whole world is going to know." Are you kidding me????? He totally doesnt' get that the phone conversation was about me, not him or anyone else. He has really let me down. He is sooooo emotionally not there for me and it hurts bad. I realized last night that the real feeling of hate is creeping its way back into my heart. Hate for Mike because he did this. He did this all and I am the one in the wrong. This is scary. I have some serious, on my face before God, praying to do. I can't live with hate again. It is all consuming. I have lived there once. I knew it wouldn't go well but I guess I didn't expect it this bad. I am proud of myself though. I stayed calm when he did not. I didn't allow him to bait me.