Feelings Coming Thick And Fast

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Feelings Coming Thick And Fast
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 8:59pm

I have noticed something of late that since I started 'therapy' I seem to be overwhelmed with negative feelings.

I genuinely think I must have numbed or 'dissasociated' 27 years of my life, now it all comes back and it get's triggered by going on Facebook and seeing people from my past.

I seem to have become addicted to Facebook but it makes me feel awful, I see people getting married and having children and parties and I compare my life and it's so embarrasingly sad. All I seem to do is criticise myself and tell myself how worthless I am, I internalise so much.

I know I should stop going on Facebook, but I can't seem to help it. I try and make the effort with people but maybe it doesn't seem to be reciprocated. I still feel so badly let down by people and supposed 'friends' who haven't supported me during the bad times I have had over the past 3 years, I guess resentment is a block but how can I release it and make way for the new people?

Also I feel like everyone in the world has more friends than me, with the onset of these new feelings, I get tonnes of painful loneliness too. I never really felt an outcast before, but now I do so much, it's like all my feeling are catching up with me and I wonder if it will ever end.

I know therapy is supposed to make you feel better but my confidence is worse than it's ever been, in fact for the 18 mths of therapy there have been many times I have wanted to give up. My self esteem seems to be showing no signs of getting better, what is that all about?

I long to have a best friend and a group of friends of my age and who live in my area, I really feel like the odd one out.

So the two issues causing me most trouble is loneliness and low self esteem.

Fluppet x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x 

Edited 3/2/2009 9:13 pm ET by fluppet
Fluppet x  x
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 8:57pm
Hey Flup, that sounds wonderful! I'm happy for you!!
**gentle hugs**

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 4:01pm
Wow sounds like you have made a lot of progress the last few days.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 9:28pm

Isn't it amazing how a day or 2 can change things when you are open to change?

I joined Facebook only so that I could go to my son's sight and see pictures of my granddaughter. I don't socialize and I'll tell you why.

In 1998 a couple of guys from my old high school started an alumni website. I was one of the first to join. My primary objective was not to reconnect with friends but to apologize for being such an ass during high school. I also wanted to find and apologize to anyone else my parents may have hurt.

To make a long story short, all the old classmates started to show up and everyone was so nice to each other......even people who had emotionally tortured me as a kid. It was decided to have an all class reunion in honor of 2000. When we all got there, true personalities came out. I left there vowing to never go back. People can hide behind the net but they can't hide in real life. The jerks were still jerks and the nice ones were still nice. A couple of the guys I dated claimed they didn't even know who I was. Big jerks can become even bigger jerks.

So I stay away from Facebook. The people there are not real. They are the facsimiles of the people we knew.

I'm so glad some things went well this week. My life is falling apart. More about that later.

gentle hugs..........JennyB

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 8:21pm

I've had a major breakthrough this week, I will explain more soon.

But in a week I have been asked to teach art to mothers and children

I have found a medication that could give me as close to a 'normal' life again without being in pain

I had some healing at the Christian centre yesterday and had the most amazing uplifting experience, I felt touched by God

Finally I was able to let go of all the pain that was making me feel depressed in therapy, I feel 10 tonnes lighter

I have been on Facebook less, I guess it was away to keep me connected to people I care about but it has brought up so many childhood insecurities.

Thanks for all the support from you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fluppet x
Fluppet x  x
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 9:34pm
When I first started therapy I had a lot of angry feelings also.