Breaking Patterns???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Breaking Patterns???
4
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 9:21pm

I wondered if anyone her had managed to break negative relationship patterns?

I seem to meet someone new, idealise them, put them on pedestal and as their real character comes through, I get more and more frustrated/angry/resentful until I feel the only way out is to let the person go (or at least not have that same bond as before)

I have an internal wall that goes up and I look down in that person after that.

I want to break that pattern but I know no other way.

Fluppet x
Fluppet x  x
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 9:28pm
I've never faced the situation that way.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 03-03-2009 - 7:29am

"Usually it is after they are gone that I see what they really were"

As in they were not real friends?

Yes I do feel the same as that but when I get down and after they are gone I start to self doubt and think it's my fault/my issue.

Maybe I should stick with the initital feelings and trust my feelings

Fluppet x
Fluppet x  x
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 03-03-2009 - 11:50am

As in they were not real friends?

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 6:35pm

Hi Jen.....I heard a piece of advice from Suze Orman on Oprah today that I thought was good when it comes to friends or the opposite sex....FICO before sex. In other words, check their credit score before getting intimate. You'll find out a lot about someone from their credit rating!

But I think you do what the rest of the world does, SA survivor or not. We all crave friendship and want to think the best of people. We do idolize them, care about them, want to love them and then we often get disappointed. Look at all the people all over the world who thought Bernie Madoff was a wonderful person who managed the best hedge fund in the world! Being Jewish he took advantage of his own people more than any other group. 50 BILLION dollars! And everyone thought he was just wonderful.

So you and I and all of us are just human. We try to see the best in others and sometimes we get taken. The mistake is blaming yourself. Sometimes people are rotten. Most of the time it's their fault not yours. Most of us try to put on a good face(first impressions!) when making new friends but then our true self comes out. First impressions don't last for ever.

We SA survivors have been trained to blame ourselves. "We asked for it"......remember? Well, we don't ask others to put on a false face. We actually try to put on a true face because of our pasts and then we are surprised when others don't do the same. We are abnormal because we are so truthful. The rest of the world is a lot less truthful than we are and that is THEIR fault, not ours.

Hang in there kiddo................Jenny