hello CL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
hello CL
26
Wed, 03-04-2009 - 12:34am

HI

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2009
In reply to: debbzy
Fri, 04-17-2009 - 3:47pm
I completely agree with the cl. I too was sa at a very young age. As a teenager I was at a party got drunk and was molested by two 20 somethings. I nvr told anyone. I assumed it was just part of teenage life and the fault was mine. During those yrs I would binge drink and smoke weed every weekend. When I was a freshman in hs, I wound up somewhere with I think two or three guys again. That night I was in the edge of consciousness. I have vague memories of the guy raping me for hours and hours and I think the other guy or guys were watching. I vaguely remember being laid on the sand, then on the hood of the car. Looking back, I was probably slipped a drug. Again, I said nothing. I assumed it was what teenagers do. I had a totally unhealthy understanding of sex and boys. In my family u didn't speak about that. My parents were always emotionally unavailable. My dad was severely depressed after the suicide of my brother (I only learned it was suicide a few yrs ago and it happened 20 yrs ago) my brother caught himself on fire purposely and left a note blaming my father (my dad was a fireman hence his chosen method.) So I can't fault my dad. My mother, I can't understand. She doesn't care that I was sa or that I have ptsd. It took me so long to tell her cause I didn't want her upset and she didn't care. Talk about a blow to my heart. Anyway, its extremely difficult for me to have sex with dh. In fact, we had a two year dry spell. Now, I'm ok with sex a little bcause I feel like its not fair to him if I don't, but I can't stand for him to touch me. He accepts but but I know its hard for him. Anyway, my pt is that my whole life and attitude has been shaped by what happened when I was 3. First, I felt like it was ok whenever anyone assaulted me, then I was repulsed by sex. Period. I hope this helps u to understand that your feelings are not unusual. Its very hard for me to admit to my behavior as a teenager bcause I'm still sure I caused it. The people here r o supportive and great. I am alone in my issues and this community has become my support group. I hope u get on the road to healing.
Moonie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: debbzy
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 9:29pm

You are welcome.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: debbzy
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 3:35pm

thxs..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: debbzy
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 1:59pm
Debby I will try to answer both posts here.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: debbzy
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 1:34pm

~So ,,, I grew up connecting sex, passion , arousal , desire = bad , dirty , disgusting.~

I totally understand this! I have had several things in my life that have led me to this feeling of bad, dirty and disgusting. I understand how you feel. It is hard to learn that it is okay to do things and not feel dirty about it. I am starting to learn that I can do things with my husband and he isn't going to hurt me and they are not bad things to do! It has taken a long time for me to do that but I am getting better.

Good luck with the healing process. you can do it.

Cynthia
You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: debbzy
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 12:32pm

monday


Dh and I had a talked yesterday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: debbzy
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 5:48pm

hi


oiy,, its not been good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: debbzy
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 5:16pm
Yes, I am almost certain that it will help with what you went through with xdh.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: debbzy
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 8:27pm

hi :-)


quickie questioned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: debbzy
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 9:46pm

Debby, there is a companion book to TCtH.

 

 

 

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