Dh and I had a talked yesterday.
~So ,,, I grew up connecting sex, passion , arousal , desire = bad , dirty , disgusting.~
I totally understand this! I have had several things in my life that have led me to this feeling of bad, dirty and disgusting. I understand how you feel. It is hard to learn that it is okay to do things and not feel dirty about it. I am starting to learn that I can do things with my husband and he isn't going to hurt me and they are not bad things to do! It has taken a long time for me to do that but I am getting better.
Good luck with the healing process. you can do it.
You are welcome.