Husbands Secret...Please Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Husbands Secret...Please Help!
2
Fri, 03-06-2009 - 1:20pm

My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for almost 3. We have two children together, a 5 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. We are a Christian family, and come from Christian families.

Last night my husband and I got into a fight, because he has a hard time communicating with me and won't tell me his feelings. I have never understood why. Well, last night he broke down and told me that he was molested when he was about 8 years old, by a friends teenage brother. He said that it went on for about a year! He broke down, and bawled. He has never told anyone this, not even his parents. He told me that he wanted to tell me for a long time, but was just so scared. He was afraid I would think he was gay, think bad of him or want to leave him. He said that it hurts him so bad and it is like "scar tissue" that won't go away. I told him that I love him and that what happened to him was NOT his fault and that I don't think any different of him. I truly feel this way. He shared with me that he would lock him in his room. I didn't ask details, it was hard for me to know what to say. I did ask if he "raped" him, and he said yes, isn't that what molestation is? I don't know all the terms and all the differences.

I explained to him that he needed to get help and talk to someone and get everything out and maybe he could get some closure. He said, well I will just talk to you, and I explained to him that I was not a trained professional and I don't know how to help him. He said he would think about it.

My husband knows this guys name. My husband probably hasn't been his only victim. It is taking everything I have in me not to ask his name....I would like to beat the crap out of him! Do we call the police, make a report?

Where do I go from here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Fri, 03-06-2009 - 10:45pm

You wrote: I did ask if he "raped" him, and he said yes, isn't that what molestation is? I don't know all the terms and all the differences.


Legally definitions vary based on state statutes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Fri, 03-06-2009 - 5:26pm
Mommy welcome to the board.