Rock Bottom

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Rock Bottom
7
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 8:41am

I get this feeling at least once a week. The only way I can describe is overwhelming emotional pain in my heart, it's so intense that each week I feel like I can't go on anymore.

I've reached out for help over the years tried meds, therapy, groups you name it I have tried it,I talk, write, paint, scream and shout and yet I feel like I still feel the same, rotten inside, I have tried everything but I still feel horrible. It's like living in hell at times, I just feel like I don't have the strength to carry on if all I am here to do is suffer.

Fluppet x
Fluppet x  x
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: fluppet
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 1:18pm
Honey, you are here to prove that your abuser didn't win.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
In reply to: fluppet
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 2:06pm

Thanks Brenda

Did you ever get through it, what helped for you or was it what people seems to say 'time'

I just feel like I am never going to stop being triggered, have opened up a can of worms that I can't get the lid back on. I never thought I would feel worse than before disclosure, just didn't think it was possible but throughout my healing I am completely amazed I am still here

Fluppet x
Fluppet x  x
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
In reply to: fluppet
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 4:52pm
((HUGS))to you Hon!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
In reply to: fluppet
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 6:07pm
Rewiring the brain, yes I know what you mean, so often I look at others and wonder what it must be like to feel 'normal'
Fluppet x
Fluppet x  x
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: fluppet
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 6:50pm
feel 'normal'
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: fluppet
Tue, 03-10-2009 - 8:36pm

" so often I look at others and wonder what it must be like to feel 'normal'"

I totally know what you mean. I spent many days wondering why I couldn't be like 'her' or 'them' or why can't things just be normal. About a week ago yes a week ago I went to my counselor and told her I just wished that I could be normal. She looked at me and then told me something I will always remember. You are normal! Everyone has issues they are dealing with some are just further along in the process and some already have the tools they need to deal with them and some are further behind even where you are. (okay this is me talking now) Some haven't even discovered that they are going to hit rock bottom. You have. You know that you have been there and YES I still have days where I feel like I am the scum of the earth and that I am not worth a darn and I don't deserve to have the things I do. I still feel that way at least once a week sometimes more. However I don't feel that way Every day like I used to. I expect that I will never have a perfect Happy every day life. I don't think that Anyone does. Sometimes we are down. It is how we handle it that is important. You recognize that you are down. That is AMAZING!! I remember when I had no idea that I was at rock Bottom. But the question is, What are you going to do about it to make your day go better? Watch a funny movie, Eat chocolate, Scream :) (thats one of my favorite things to do ;). Make the day better by calling a friend and going out for a drink. Do whatever you need to do. I know that it is hard to get up and get out of bed and get ready for the day when you feel that way. I have been there and I am there now. I understand. Just remember that you are not alone.

Cynthia
You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: fluppet
Wed, 03-11-2009 - 1:52pm
I can totally 100 percent feel your pain, yes, I have looked at others and wished I, too was "normal". I don't have much advise for you, I just recently started dealing with the pain I have been repressing all these years, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!