New here trying to deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2009
New here trying to deal.
20
Sat, 03-14-2009 - 10:54pm

Hi I think I posted on this board or one similar to it about 5yrs. ago. long time ago. Unfortunately I am still where I was then.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 5:07pm

There seems to be a lot going on and it appears as if

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 1:55pm

My life is a mess that I created ~~~

The things that happen in our lives are what make us who we are. For the longest time I used to think that it was my fault that I got myself into the situations I was in. It is simply not true. You have had some really bad experiences involving SA and it isn't your fault! You did not decide to have your cousin abuse you. You did not decide to have your sister abuse you. You did not decide to have that guy abuse you. They chose to do it! It is NOT your fault.

I was in College and I was going out with this guy. I was scared to death of dating for the longest time. I started dating though and eventually I started to trust this guy a lot. I thought he would never hurt me. I finally decided it was safe enough to be alone with him. I was wrong. I blamed myself for a long time (up until a few weeks ago). I thought that if I would have remembered what I learned and not let my guard down that I wouldn't have been abused. It is hard for me to not blame myself. However the truth of the matter is that I said no and he didn't listen.

I never told anyone either. I just barely told someone about 6 months ago when I just couldn't keep it held in any more. That particular incident happened almost 10 years ago.

My husband and I have learned a lot and I have been able to trust him more as I am going through counseling and Group therapy. It is getting easier to trust him in the bedroom and I am not as scared as I used to be and it is so much easier for me to enjoy. I still have times that are hard and I can't justify going through the scary flashbacks and so we avoid those types of things for now. It takes a lot of patience and persistence but you can do it. I hope the best for you. Good luck!

Just remember IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

((Gentle Hugs))

Cynthia
You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 2:24pm
Photobucket

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2009
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 7:10pm
Thank you for your response. I am trying. I feel there is more I should or could be doing but I guess not. I am taking it one day at a time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2009
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 7:21pm
Thank you for sharing your story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2009
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 7:52pm

Thank you for your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 7:55pm

~I still think I would not be where I am today if I could have just spoke up~

Me Too!!! I think we all would be somewhere different.

I didn't speak up! I let him do it to me. I couldn't speak. I thought I deserved it because I didn't follow my gut. I was being punished! Not just because I didn't speak up but because I had done things when I was younger.....I was abused by neighbor boys (although I had no idea that what they were doing was wrong!). I was somewhat sexually active and in my church that was looked down upon. I really thought I deserved it. I thought God was punishing me for the things I had done. I was wrong. It wasn't my fault. God was watching out for me that night. (his roommate showed up and pulled him off of me) I didn't know that until just recently when I started this group. (probably about the 4th week in)

Group is basically others who have been in similar situations and a counselor or two in this case that come and teach you tools to cope with what happened. Also it helps you know that you are NOT ALONE! I am not alone in this and unfortunately so. It is so unfair that we have to have a board for this and therapy and groups but we need to remember that we are not alone.

The number one thing they told us when we started group was that IT WAS NOT OUR FAULT and WE ARE NOT ALONE.

Those are two things I have to keep repeating to myself even now. It is the only way I remember that I am not alone and that it was not my fault. It took a long time for me to believe what I was saying to myself. Just remember we are all here for you if you need to talk or work things out.

I hope this helps.

Cynthia
You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
Cynthia You are loved, You are Special, You are WORTH IT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 9:43pm

I'm glad that you felt safe enough here to share your story.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 03-17-2009 - 1:22am

One of the best things I have learned in my healing journey is to honor what I did to survive. For me, that was overeating and isolating from people. I used to hate myself for those behaviors, but now I understand that those were my coping mechanisms, and I am here today because I used them to get through some really difficult years.

Not sure if this will help you, but congratulations for seeking help. That takes a lot of courage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 6:15pm
Thank you for your story.

Pages