My children have been abused

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
My children have been abused
13
Sat, 04-04-2009 - 9:51pm

I've joined this site to learn about what futures my daughters can still happily have as survivors of sexual abuses.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Sun, 04-05-2009 - 11:33am

Dear lots2learn,


I'm so sorry for you and for your daughters.

LUCKY

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Sun, 04-05-2009 - 2:41pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Sun, 04-05-2009 - 5:22pm

I'm sorry for my abrupt end to my earlier post.

LUCKY

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 9:08pm

Lucky, I wonder if

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Tue, 04-07-2009 - 3:09pm

My screen name was chosen partially because I feel very fortunate to be in the place that I am, given a traumatic history.

LUCKY

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 04-08-2009 - 9:35am

Hi and welcome to the board. PMFJI but I just wanted to point out a few

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2009
Sat, 04-11-2009 - 2:46pm
I am so very sorry that this has happened to your family. I can't speak for your daughters but I can tell you why my mother still does not know and never will know. My friend was raped by her father from age two to tenish. She constantly told me how to show love, how noone can ever know etc. Basically she brainwashed me just like her father brainwashed her. When my friend did tell, my mother point blank asked me and I denied knowing anything. At the time, it just came out. When she asked I was shocked, ashamed, and afraid of making her cry. It could be possible that your daughter is trying to protect you from the same pain she feels. Also, I cannot even express the shame that goes with being abused. Its so consuming. I literally felt it would kill me to say anything. It was like my tongue was literally tied. Hearing your story makes me rethink whetjer I should confide in my mom, but it was 30 yrs ago and I don't know what good can come of it. Remember that we are biologically programmed to love our parents. Even though her dad was doing this to her, she loves him in some part of her brain. Perhpas she convinced herself he would never do it again. Perhaps he threatened her. I kept going back to the house too and I don't know why. This man was not even a relative but I think I was afraid of having to explain things and I desperately wanted normalcy and I knew if I refused to go the normal parts of my life would change. I hope this helps a little. Its a very hard thing, it really is. I hope all of you can find healing and right now your daughter needs to know she is safe and strong and loved and that nothing will change your love and that she is not to blame (this is a struggle I have at 35 yrs old) nor is she weak. The best thing you can do for her is let her know you absolutely love her and that you will not judge her because of what happened. She is lucky to have you. I am completely alone in this and I doubt many ppl will even believe me because it was so long ago. My best friend went through the same thing as your daughter and it took about 15 yrs but she is a strong woman and a great mother. Oh, she also needs to know it will be ok. I'm not a dr but I wonder if what she has is really ptsd. Ptsd makes relationships almost impossible. Like I said, I am completely alone and I can barely leave my house. I wish you well and I hope I have helped you understand. I applaud you for coming here. It may not seem like it but one day your daughter will know and she will appreciate everything you are doing to help her healm. ((Hugs))
Moon (I kno its weird but I can't bring myself to use my real name)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
Mon, 04-13-2009 - 1:16am

Hi there,


Before I go further, I'll reinterate that everyone is different in how they respond to things...etc.

Alisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 9:05pm

Ladies your thoughts and experiences and advice have all

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 7:26am

Good for you for trying to

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