I hate holidays.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
I hate holidays.....
5
Mon, 04-13-2009 - 12:28am

I hope some of you remember me. My daughter was abused by one of my husband's family members three years ago. So many things have happened in the time since my daughter outcried. The 18 year old second cousin of my dh was arrested and eventually convicted. He was sentanced to a 5 years and 10 years probation. He will be a registered sex offender. There was a period of time when I didn't talk to any of my dh's family because I felt like they didn't believe my dd. It was horrible. Over the years things have mended with my MIL and some family members. Yet every now and then things come up or people I don't agree with get invited to family parties and my holiday goes in the crapper.


I never let my dd know any of this is going on. I have three daughters, so there were loads of easter baskets and eggs for all of the kids. Everyone was taking pictures and having fun. At one point I realized

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 2:34am
I feel bad for some of the things I said in the last post. I was just being selfish and petty. I should stop feeling sorry for myself and worry more about how my dd is feeling. I am just grateful she and her sisters had a great time and that is what really counts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 3:42am

Violet,


There is no need to apologize, sometimes we just need to vent our frustrations and this is a very safe place to do it.

LUCKY

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 04-14-2009 - 3:24pm
Vent all you need to here.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 12:39pm

Dear Violet {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I HATE holidays also, but for other reasons. The chapter in my book about my issues with holidays is called "Happy Horrordays"

It always comes down to the mother, it seems. Violet, I want to tell you I wish YOU had been MY mother. Mine NEVER protected me against my perp who was my father. The fact that you are trying to protect your daughters does NOT make you selfish. My mother chose denial, it's ALL she could do; or all she was willing to do!

I feel VERY STRONGLY about this. I want you to stop beating yourself up first of all. As far as running away, I would NEVER be so presumptuous as to tell you not to do it. I have found out however, you/we seem to take our problems and issues with us whereEVER we go. If you mean you would like to take your family (girls) away so you and they never have to be confronted with certain people again; I TOTALLY understand! There have been "toxic" people in my life who I had to break off relations with.

Some, or all of your girls are in counseling? I am not sure. Violet have YOU yourself had therapy or counseling? I think it would be so important for you to be able to discuss these issues not only here but with a professional. You have a great deal of "stuff" on your shoulders, You may even be feeling guilty. Whatever the issues I just feel it would help you to get your feelings out with a tdoc.

As far as self medicating, I am the first one to also do it...I am sure most of us have done it. We are not here to judge, but to be supportive if we can be.

IMHO I think it IS a good idea NOT to HAVE to be thrown together with people who are either NOT supportive or hostile to you. My family abandoned me. Half the family tossed me out like a piece of garbage. I personally admire mothers who PROTECT their children. It's very important to ME, and i am sure it is BEYOND important to your kids. Stay strong violet and remember you are not alone!

Please let us know what is going on and what decisions you are making. Take good care!

With lots of hugs,

Mady Bead Good
www.mwrg7.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Sun, 04-19-2009 - 2:50am

Becky,


Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I needed your encouraging and understanding words. I read some of the other posts, and I know everyone means well, but they made me feel worse. I was too emotionally drained to respond. When I wrote the first post I was crying and desperate for someone