The Land Of No Hope :(((((((((
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|Mon, 04-13-2009 - 2:32pm|
Anyone know how it feels to be in a mood where nothing and no-one can make you feel better.
Yesterday was hard for me and I just had this lingering feeling of sadness, it was particularly horrible because I felt like nothing or no-one could change how i felt, even if someone said I had won the lottery, I wouldn't have cared.
The holidays are so hard since I disclosed the abuse, it feels like 'family' time and I still feel so betrayed and let down by my so called 'family'
I just feel plain hatred right now and earlier today was just wanting some revenge.
My 'T' seems to give me the idea that I should still continue to keep contact with family and to get to a place where I can 'deal' with them because maybe she hears from me that I still want a family and that walking away is just not dealing with it but that ok for her to say, I know she never been through this herself.
It's just that feeling of hopeless, sadness, thinking that things will never ever get any better and never change.
It hurts so bad, the hurt feels so overwhelming and I just wonder if it is possible to get over.
I feel hatred and bitterness right now and know that isn't a good place to be, maybe it's a stage, I hope so, I don't want to give them the power to ruin anymore of my life.
Not sure if I mentioned but my recent 30th birthday my mother did nothing to help and for my brother she got all expensive food and did a buffet, I am feeling like just another stab in the back.
I feel so sad and hopeless even though really good things are happening in my life and I have met a great guy :(((((((((