my mother

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
my mother
1
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 7:37am

My mother is finally making some breakthroughs! Her and I had the hard conversation last Friday. I called for something or another and SHE opened up the conversation. I knew this was coming and was prepared, I just didn't know when. I sympathize with her position and am worried about her health so I made sure I chose my words very very carefully. She was told by Mikes wife and then later my dad that Mike raped me. She didn't believe it. She asked me. I told her the truth. She asked when, how, why. She asked about when he molested me years before. I told her he last approached me 5 yrs ago, last touched me about 7. She was very quiet. She asked why I didn't come to her. I told her. She asked if I thought Mike hurt his girls. I told her yes. She finally for the first time asked what exactly the girls are saying. I told her. She was very quiet. She had been living in denial.


We also talked about this going to court. She asked if I was going to testify. I told her truthfully I don't want to be in the middle but I expect to be supoened. No point in telling her I want to tell my story. That would only serve to hurt her more. She agreed that would most likely happen and asked what I was going to say. I told her I will tell my story of my abuse. I won't offer opinions about the current situation, which I doubt they would let me do anyway. She asked me not to testify. I reminded her I may not have a choice. She asked me about being a hostile witness. I did agree to do that if given a choice. The way I figure it, the lawyers are going to know how to phrase the questions to get the right info heard anyway. I want Mike locked up but I don't want my entire family desroyed either. Our brother and sister still don't have a clue on details. I want Mikes damage to be as minimal as possible. My mom is scared that our entire family is going to fall apart. She feels she is in a position to lose everything. I was as supportive as I could possibly be. I kept telling her I was there for her. That I don't blame her or dad or even Mike at this point. That I have forgiven. I have. In the end, it is weird, but we are more than OK, we are closer than before. I htink my mom is going to be ok and I am going to stand by her side and help her be ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: raetonycass
Wed, 04-15-2009 - 12:16pm
Wow sounds like your mom has really had a break through.