Please help, my son molested my daughter
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|Wed, 04-22-2009 - 2:15am|
I don't know where to begin. I'm 28 years old and this has to be the hardest thing I have ever written. I need advice and I don't know where to go.
I have 4 children - 2 boys ages 11 and 8, my 4 year old daughter, and my youngest daughter is 8 months.
My mind is such a blur that I can't quote for quote tell you how everything happened but my sweet beautiful full-of-life 4 year old came to me tonight and told me her brother had did something to her. After a very carefully worded conversation (she is only 4, so I asked things in a way she would understand) I found out her brother (my 11 year old) molested her. I really don't want to give any kind of details, I can't bare to think of it without crying hysterically let alone type it out.
She is not in any pain physically (she was not raped and it happened previously in the week and he attempted it a couple other times) and honestly does not seem traumatized by this. (I'm not sure if this normal?) My conversation with her made her very nervous at one point and she was close to tears because she thought her brother was going to get in trouble. I *KNOW* without a doubt that my daughter is not lieing.
After talking to her I was very upset and went to my sons room to confront him. I tried to be as calm as possible at first but I just couldn't. I started bawling like a baby and asked him he could do this, how he could hurt her, his own sister. HOW. WHY. I am ashamed to admit that I did smack him on his shoulder several times, I was just SO angry and confused. He admitted to doing what she said. He is at his grandmothers right now and will not be coming home any time soon. I said some extremely mean things to him and I am so so very angry with him, and hurt by this. I could not let him stay in this house.
I am calling the pediatrician first thing in the morning to talk about this and find out what to do. I want to have my daughter seen right away.
My son needs psychiatric help. He was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago but we recently were about begin having him re-evaluated because we believed it was a misdiagnosis. We thing he as Asperger's Syndrome but until the evaluation I can't say anything for sure. We have had behavior issues in the past but nothing ever severe.
I guess in this wall of text what I'm asking is outside of taking every obviously appropriate step, what on earth do I do????
How do I now approach my daughter about this? How do I help her? I have no idea how she really thinks about what happened. She knows it was somehow wrong, that's why she came to me, but she doesn't really KNOW if that makes sense. She's so innocent and beautiful. My god my poor little girl. I don't want to pressure her to talk as she's not upset so I don't want her to become upset if that makes sense? She knows her brother did something wrong and I have ALWAYS taught every one of them about private areas and what is off limits. The pediatrician does this at every visit as well!
My other question is I do not know what to feel about my son. I am so VERY angry at him, but I love him and am afraid for him too. This is not something I EVER anticipated or had expected in any way shape or form. He recently started going through puberty this past year. When we realized he was going through puberty, his step-father talked to him about it, explaining what was happening, ect.. (his bio-father is not in his life). My son needs help. I never thought I'd be the mother of a molester. I am petrified he will now lead to worse things as he gets older. I want psychiatric help for him, as in a controlled environment where he can be fully evaluated.
I feel so much right now. Shock, hurt, guilt, anger, everything. I just don't know what to do about my son. At this moment I want nothing to do with him. He hurt my baby and I can never forgive him for that. I feel so horrible for feeling this way. I love him and I want help for him but I could never see him the same and I could NEVER allow him back in my house. NEVER. His grandmother has agreed to let him live there.
If anyone has any kind of advice PLEASE help. No one in my life has been through anything like this and I have no idea where to turn for "emotional" help in a situation like this. I feel like the floor has been ripped out from under me right now. I'm sorry this is long and maybe jumbled it's just very hard to post this. I am still crying hours later. Please someone help?