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|Mon, 04-27-2009 - 12:34pm|
One of the biggest problems or feelings I face is that of insecurity.
My mother or any of my family never ever contact me and this leaves me feels very very insecure and unloved.
Although I have an adult part of me, the little child in me does not understand at all why I am not shown love or care or interest. My mom has never really made the effort with me since she got with her partner 6 years ago.
In a way, it feels like she dumped me when something better came along. She is such a selfish person in that she has never really shown any consideration for my feelings, everything is all her way.
I used to visit her but since I disclosed about abuse, the atmosphere is so uncomfortable I feel very outcast and shunned. Obviously I don't want to put myself in that situation anymore.
Rationally I think her lack of interest maybe be in part to a controlling partner who decides her life and her decisions, another part could be that she hurts and upsets me a lot with her criticisms and also some guilt.
The problem is I really don't know or understand why and I have asked her but she says she is very busy but she sees her sister and my nephew once a month too.
There is a huge part of me that feels very confused and simply does not understand her and my families behaviour towards me and see it as a rejection.
Then I feel ashamed of myself and think why don't my family love me, what is so wrong with me, even though I know in my head it's not my fault.
Has anyone ever overcome these feelings and if so how, that real deep insecurity that they simply do not love me, how can I stop internalising their bad behaviour?