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|Sun, 05-03-2009 - 8:05am|
I just seemed to be so depressed, I feel like I am never going to feel any better, I feel my life is in tatters, I feel so hurt and betrayed by people and just mope around at the moment.
I feel like this big blanket of darkness smothering me, I feel like I don't want anyone near me and I am scared of pushing my new boyfriend away or just sabotaging the relationship.
I know I am probably grieving, my father died only 3 months ago and I feel like I have been deserted and abandoned by every male relation too which is affecting my trust with men and may impact my new relationship.
I just hate not understanding what I feel or why I am feeling it.
I don't want to take pills but emotionally it's like all I feel is negativity.
Maybe I have been damaged in a way that is irreparable, I just feel like my heart can't take all the betrayal and I don't know how to stop internailising my feelings. I feel hopeless and I feel like I don't to see anyone right now.
I feel like I hate everyone right now, I don't even like friends I feel everyone is out to get me. I feel like even my T doesn't have the skills to help me, I feel she is limited but the thought of starting with a new T is unbearable.
I am moving soon so I am probably stressed about that but I feel so angry and let down by everyone in the world, I feel my insecurity will never go away and I don't have the energy to keep fighting this battle, I feel very few people want to take the time to understand whats going on with me and that really hurts.