why do I do destructive things to myself

Avatar for alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
why do I do destructive things to myself
13
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 1:53pm
when I think about my molestation? i try not to think about it. But when I do work on it in therapy or think about it in detail, I will go into a self-destructive mode. Why? I don't understand it.
allie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Sun, 05-17-2009 - 3:33am

Hi allie,


First, please know that it is not at all uncommon for someone with a history of abuse or molestation to have self desctructive or self medicating behaviors.

LUCKY

Avatar for alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 05-17-2009 - 3:14pm
Thanks
In my case, when I am stressed, I find that restrictive eating makes me feel good. I am working with a new t for marital counseling and he has me telling him things which are helpful of course but all this disclosures of all my "bad issues" at once including a specific retelling of my molestation has made me want to just stop thinking at all, because it's just all running through my head again, and it makes me want to not eat, so I haven't been for 5 days now. I see him tomorrow as well as my personal t. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever "get past this" molestation feelings. Maybe it's best just not to think about it at all.
allie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 9:39am

Hey Allie,


You sound discouraged and how well I understand that.

LUCKY

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 1:55pm
eating disorders are not really much to do with weight. But Control. Delving into issues that are hard and out of your control makes us look for ANYTHING we CAN control.

Chaoslover


Sometimes you fake it, till you can make it.


To live in fear is no life at all.

Chaoslover

Sometimes you fake it, till you can make it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 05-19-2009 - 10:32pm
Allie,
 

 

 

Avatar for alsmith32
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 4:18pm

Well it's been a week now of not really eating.

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 05-20-2009 - 5:45pm

PMFJI but I thought your comment was interesting about how you feel "good and strong" by not eating. I think a lot of us understand your desire to feel strong. Strength has kept us safe. However, IMO it's only our courage that will free us.

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 3:36am

Well, from what I understand is that we ALL do it. We all find "ways" of hurting ourselves and I TRULY believe the reason is this...We are TRYING to hurt and punish because we were so badly hurt! The "problem" with this little idea is that WE ARE PUNISHING THE WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG PEOPLE. PLEASE read it again and try to remember that we are PUNISHING THE WRONG PEOPLE...well sounds easy to do but now that you have an idea WHY, mabye you can lay off hurting YOU! :o)

Best of luck!

With warms heart and hands,

Mady Bead Good
www.mwrg7.com

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 11:19pm

opal...i've never posted on this board but I am struggling so...your post is giving me hope and some belief in a way out...I will read the words for help as I feel very down and having a hard time tonight. where did you see this?or did you write it?

I do have the courage to move forward...but sometimes I want to lapse into that "strength" thing ....I turn to fury on me to obliterate the emotional agony. I lose sight of what I really need and simply react to the unbearableness of it all.

i used to call it "victim strength" vs "survivor strength".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 2:42pm
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