why do I do destructive things to myself

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
why do I do destructive things to myself
13
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 1:53pm
when I think about my molestation? i try not to think about it. But when I do work on it in therapy or think about it in detail, I will go into a self-destructive mode. Why? I don't understand it.
allie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 4:30pm

Hi Melissacat,

I had flashbacks about abuse many years ago and went to a group cause I was unstable but had a great therapist and semi dealt with it-although there was some abuse that I felt I couldn't face.....I guess I thought things had simmered down. or were a non issue. I wanted move beyond it...

I went back into therapy several years ago-mostly cause I kept getting stuck in abusive "love" relationships. Well, it's been almost 2 years that i got out of last one and things started to resurface...mostly dissociative symptoms rather than memories per se. And although my last therapist talked to me about that, it didn't feel real. And actually neither did the abuse because it was always in flashback form or dreams...even though I was really struggling with hanging on/being a parent.

I had a hard session yesterday and had feelings -often I'm just kind of even keeled. I didn't want to face any of it and was struggling/and also feeling very "off" and felt desperate for support-so I got on line. I know that ivillage seems safe and reputable...and I was encouraged by opals feedback and wanted to respond. I never saw this board before .

The abuse was sexual and emotional/psychological-some of it was just weirdness .
There's more too that I feel hesitant about :lots of flashbacks about culty stuff ...and would like to ask if it happened to others. Suffice to say..flashbacks of multiple abusers and abuse . Thanks for the hug-I need it :)...and a hugs to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 4:34pm
I never looked because I didn't need it.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 4:44pm
I can see how it can be a lifesaver. I've known about the abuse via flashbacks for a very long time ..but never had feelings..but was very unstable . I know I need support and I need to have places to come when i'm uptight. Feeling alone is the worst thing for me right now-so I'm reaching out.
thanks for your reply. I'm getting tips for how to take this sometimes 1 minute at a time to get through. that post about strength vs courage is wonderful.

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