Is it possible...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Is it possible...
8
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 12:47am
I'm not here looking for sympathy. I have no other motives than wondering what others honestly think about this. I'm beginning to wonder if it's possible I was too screwed up in childhood to ever fully recover. Is it possibly to be so emotionally damaged that true healing simply will never happen and this is as good as it gets? I had never before today contemplated that maybe it is not possible for the emotional part of my brain to heal from the trauma. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I started thinking this way. I'm not so horribly depressed that I'm merely thinking negatively. I think I'm finely starting to think sanely about all of this and I'm not liking what I'm seeing. I feel as if parts of my cognitive development
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 9:37am
Allie I don't know if it is possible to be to screwed up to recover, I guess it could be possible.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Fri, 05-22-2009 - 11:24pm

Thanks for your response. I guess I didn't explain clearly enough just what I meant. I'm not referring to remembering or being triggered by the SA memories themselves. I'm talking about basic emotional development that should have taken place as a child that I don't seem to have. For example, very young children learn that even when they can't see mom, mom still exists. They come to know that mom loves them regardless of where she is. I don't seem to have that. I have to be with a person or have an object from that person to know that he/she cares about me. I feel I can't get beyond this and internalize it as children eventually do. While my son knows I care about him and love him, he also is developing self-care skills and doesn't need all the emotional things from me that he used to. (He still needs some of those things and still gets hugs and a kiss, but there are times when he tells me not to kiss him or hug him --such as in front of his friends. I respect his request, but inside hurt a little because I need it.) It's these kinds of emotional blocks I can't seem to move past.

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 05-23-2009 - 8:46am

Hi Allie,


I've had the best luck in redeveloping those inner child parts by reparenting them. Even though their emotional development was thwarted, they can still learn they're loved unconditionally. That's where "I" come in. My adult Self has been able to we with those emotionally undeveloped parts and help them the way they should have been helped years ago. IMO it's never too late.

**gentle hugs**

Gail
**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 1:14pm

I don't know the answer but I know I feel exctly the same and have a few months now.

My abuse stopped aged 5 and I feel like I am so damaged and clearly 'different' in how I think and behave emotionally that this is as good as it gets.

I don't understand so much and am very very confused and don't know the answers.

My biggest problems that are ruining my life are ange,r anxiety and lack of trust in others, also at the moment I 'feel' like I hate everyone.

Don't know if that helps but can defintely empathise.

Fluppet x
Fluppet x  x
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 2:59pm
Allie I'm sorry I misunderstood your question.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 5:10pm

It's okay Brenda. I didn't explain it very well to begin with. I wasn't in a very good state of mind when I posted and I think I misunderstood your post as well. I always appreciate your support Brenda. Thanks for being here.


allie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 05-26-2009 - 5:13pm

Gail, I'm glad this worked for you. It sounds absolutely overwhelming to me. I've read and re-read your post and keep thinking, " But I can't do this!" It's something I'll need to think over and dicuss with my therapist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 10:08am

Well said, Gail.

My abuse began the day I came home from the hospital and didn't end until my parents died. But the worst of it was ages 6 months to 8 years. The human personality is set during those first 5-6 years and I always felt that I was stuck with what I had...a messed up personality....and was told that I probably was. But I have come to realize that it is not true. You can change anything about yourself that you really want to. I've done the re-parenting work too.

When I "finished" therapy 23 years ago I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd be sitting here 23 years later remembering more than ever before. But I'm glad it has happened because they know more about abuse than ever before.

No, I don't think it's ever too late. If you are intelligent enough to know what is wrong and what you want to change than you are intelligent enough to make the changes. You're smart, Allie...use it. Recovery is not just about feelings and memories. Using your intelligence is a great asset and since you've got it, use it.

gentle hugs.............Jenny