Starting Therapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Starting Therapy
4
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 10:57am

Hi


I can't remember if i'd posted to this board yet. I have posted on depression and menopause ones.


I'm 49, i've been struggling with depression forabout 6 months or more. I decided to call the sexual crisis centre here and have been going for 3 weeks now. I was abused by my father from 12-17. I had a child and kept him. I went into therapy when i was 20 for about a year. I got married and had another child and went on with life. I basically stuffed all my feelings. I've had depression on and off all my life.


So now i'm finding the feeling resurfasing and the depression is worse. What i'm feeling right now is unloved. I've never really had someone who loved me uncoditionally, other than my children. I guess i've always needed love and protection and support and i don't know how to get what i need.


I went from not allowing myself to cry to not being able to stop. I feel like i need to wallow. At the same time i need to do something to make myself feel better but i just don't know what to do. I almost constantly have a headache.


My husband knows i'm going to therapy and he knows about my past. But i can't decide weather or not to share with him how i'm feeling. He's not the most understganding person. He'll ask questions i dn't now how to answer. It usually easier to just not bother. But then who else do i have? NO ONE.


Guider Barb
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Fri, 06-19-2009 - 9:06pm
Welcome to the board.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 5:24pm

Hi Barb....my name is Jenny.Sorry I didn't say "hello" earlier but I've been holding Shannon's hand while her hubby was so sick and then I got sick!

So HELLO my Canuck friend. Although born in the US and living here for many years, my school age years were spent in Montreal. Although I left in 1972, I can still sing O Canada in French. And I have 1 brother who stayed in Canada...he's in BC now. Haven't been back since a school reunion in 2000 but I do miss the people (more than the snow).

I am 57 and I thought I was done with therapy many, many years ago. Surprise! I started remembering again due to multiple small strokes and a major surgery that almost killed me. So having these kinds of emotions, especially since you never really dealt with it, is normal. Twenty-nine years ago very little attention was paid to sexual abuse. When I started in therapy in the 1960's, no one even believed me.

And I suspect that your child should be grown now and what may be triggering some of this is the empty nest. Made me depressed when the last one left home.

Let yourself cry and work this through. As for sharing with husbands, I share some but not most of it. I give him the "highlights" reel. He gets insecure and thinks he's the problem(he is at times) but I need my privacy. He wasn't there when it happened so why does he need to know? My therapist says it's fine to keep it from him.....that there should be boundaries with couples and he doesn't need to know. If I want to share it, I can, but I should never feel I have to.

So I've chosen to keep most of it between me and the therapist. After 2 years of seeing a great T(as we call them here)I've had to change therapists(insurance) and saw my new one for the first time today. Hubby and I are going to do couples therapy with the old therapist(he has different insurance)and I think it's good this guy knows all about my past but I'm also glad I'll still have a private T to talk to by myself. I'm getting selfish as I grow older and realize that I earned my selfishness when it comes to therapy. I want and need someone just for me. And it's okay.

I'm going to post more about this when I finish saying hi to everyone so perhaps you'll read what I have to say about changing T's. I'm looking forward to new beginnings!

gentle hugs..............JennyB

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 7:47am

Hi and thanks for the support. I can use all i can get right now. This has been the worse week.


Yes my children have grown and are out of the house. They are what helped me to survive all these years i think so now that i don't have them....


What i was thinking more of, for sharing with hubby, is not the gory details but how I'm feeling from day to day. Do i tell him i want to cry all day and don't know why? Do i tell him what feelings I'm trying to allow myself to feel? That kind of thing. I understand that I'm crying to release emotions I've bottled for so long. But crying only makes me feel worse. I HATE IT! I think we'd benefit from a joint therapy too. I hear you about selfishness. It sure is a new thing but something i think i need.


Right now it's been horrible with symptoms.
jumpiness, sensitive to sound, spontaneous crying, rapid heartbeat, irregular heartbeat, nausea, stomach pain, jaw pain, headaches, dizziness, constipation, insomnia (big time#, exhaustion, restlessness, itchy eyes #?#

Guider Barb
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 9:38pm
Vent all you want!!!