Started with new T today.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Started with new T today.......
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 6:38pm

I've kinda stayed away from the boards(except for reporting on Leo)waiting to see the new therapist. I miss Steve and starting over is never easy but I met Mark today and I think this will be a good match. I liked him but I think he was a little bit blown away by my past. Told me as I left that I was amazing well for all I had been through.

I was very unsure about seeing someone new but I made the right decision. Hubby still has the old insurance so he and I can see Steve for couples counseling....which we really need or I'll kill him come retirement time(2 years away). And I'm kinda glad I have a different T all to myself. It means starting over but I wrote down a lot of my history for him to make the "getting to know you" phase a little faster.

I realized just the other day that I need someone all to myself. I can share Steve with hubby but still seeing him would not be the same. I need a safe place all of my own, someone only I speak to and see, who is there for ME. I call it selfish...and I'm proud of it. I've never been selfish...always did what I was told. Too afraid not to. And when married, I always did what hubby wanted right up to this spring when he asked me to postpone a much needed MRI for 3 months. And when you have kids.....the word selfish does not exist! Babies are the personification of selfishness and they should be.

So now it's my turn to be selfish. It's my insurance(Medicare due to disability)and I can see who I want, when I want, so I am. And it feels GOOD! I am determined to get myself healthy and stop these strokes. I'm just now realizing that although my abuse was bad, the part I never really looked at was the neglect. I think that's why I'm overweight and having so many health problems. With the help of this new T I want to get myself healthy again.

I've always believed the person we lie to the most is ourselves and if we can be totally honest with ourselves, we can conquer anything. So I'm having to take a hard look at why I don't treat myself as well as my cats(or kids, husband and anyone else of the human persuasion). Heck, I treat what they catch with more care than myself. Why can't I eat properly? Why can't I get out and just walk? Why is it that whenever I get down, I stop my meds and let my BP shoot up?(and I wonder why I'm having strokes)? Why can't I love me like I should? Some big questions I have to answer and I'm looking forward to doing so with MY therapist.

So a big hug to everyone and I'll get around to saying hi when I can. I've not been reading of late(bad Jenny). Needed to know I had someone to fall back on first.

gentle hugs...............JennyB

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 11:13am

All sounds good. I wish you the best with your new T.

Your sense of pride seems extremely strong; 1.) for surviving so well after all you've experienced and 2.) for taking this big step for your own healing. In fact, you're even trying to get so far ahead of your healing by thinking through your upcoming issues. However, I want to just throw out one thought fwiw.

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 9:24pm