Very difficult times
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|Wed, 07-08-2009 - 1:26am|
I just found out that my DH of 8 years sexually abused 3 of his DDs 25-30 years ago. This was so out of character for my gentle, wonderful DH that I'm having trouble processing it.
He is in the process of making amends to them. He has contacted their mother to apologize. We went to visit one of the dd's recently so that he could make amends in person. When she found out I didn't know, she stood beside him, hand in hand, while he told me and asked my forgiveness.
I told him that it wasn't me that needed to forgive him. His forgiveness would come from them, from himself and from his God.
I'm having a tough time, tougher than I expected. I have no one I can talk to because this is such a private matter between him and his daughters.
I did ask him, once we were home, how extensive the abuse was and who turned him in. There was inappropriate touching with two of them and intercourse with the third. It happened once per child and he took the children to the police where he and the children talked to a detective together. There was an extensive investigation but no charges were filed.
He is terrified that I am going to leave him. His daughter asked me not to leave him over it.
I'm proud of him for desiring, on his own, to apologize to his children and make amends to them. He understands that some of them may not ever forgive him but he intends to apologize anyway.
I was sexually abused but my abuser died when I was 5 years old.
I need advice on how to handle this. My marriage is strong. We are both 60 years old.