My mom blamed me for getting raped at 18

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2007
My mom blamed me for getting raped at 18
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 2:07am

I am 25. I got raped when I was 18. Recently, I moved out my home and I thought I had taken everything with me. My mom typically lets me know when things are left behind so i can send for them. Well, somehow I left an old journal from college at my house. I thought I had gotten all the really private things. She at this point if this was any other item she would have called me to send for it. Well, she decided to look at my journal and put it at her bedside and read through it. I am not sure which journal it was but I talked about my dealings with guys and my career. Those are the only things I talk about. At some point, I detailed a rape that happened to me at 18. Some guy basically said he was going to give me a tour of the campus I was at and raped me. I believed the person. I did not see a reason not to. My mom called me at 1 AM basically cursing me out saying you should make better decisions about the people you choose to hang out with. She told my dad and was like why did you never tell me what happened. I was shocked and apalled that my mom blamed me for getting raped! She was like you should have known better. How did I know a guy was going to rape me at 18? I never even dated at that point and came out of an all girls school and planned on staying a virgin until I got married.

The exact reason I did not tell my parents about the rape was that I wanted to avoid any drama. I knew they would be sad so I sought out counseling on my own and I had pretty much dealt with the situation. I even started to file a police report even though it was several years later but decided not to go forward with it. It was too late and I know how the criminal justice system always likes to blame women for getting raped unless they are severely beaten. Even still they like to blame women.

Anyways, how would you all deal with your mom blaming you for getting raped? Also, how would you deal with the invasion of privacy? I feel like I can not trust her at all. I have never hated my mother in my life. I am very close to feeling like I can not ever talk to her again. I never even thought things like this would cross my mind. I have never had a bad relationship with my parents but this whole situation just makes me not want to talk to my mother or keep convos as short as possible.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 10:57pm

Sounds like a rough situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 1:59pm

Hey Tennischic,

I think that you should take a step back for a second.


Sometimes you fake it, till you can make it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 07-21-2009 - 4:06pm