Emotional but ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Emotional but ....
10
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 6:52pm

I'm very emotional but i don't know what I'm feeling. I hate this. I wish someone could just tell me what I'm feeling.


My jaw is killing me too. Everyday, all day. I don't even think I'm clenching very much.


Why does this all have to be so hard? What can I do to change things? It doesn't feel like I'm actually doing anything. We talk in therapy and she tells me how normal it is for me to experience things due the the abuse. But what good is knowing what's wrong if we don't actually fix it? I guess I'm frustrated. I've been experiencing stomach pain and i had an ulcer way back when i first went through therapy. Now i think I'm getting another one.


I can't help but wonder if it wasn't better to just be in denial.


I need so much and don't know how to get or even ask for what i need. Actually i often don't even know what it is i need, only that i need.


I though the depression was getting a little better but now it's bad again.

Guider Barb
Guider Barb
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 10:31pm

There's no doubt that the work we need to do in therapy can bring up some nasty emotions. But I'm sorry they're overwhelming you so much right now. You were overwhelmed emotionally as a child so it's awful to find yourself overwhelmed emotionally all over again as an adult. That's just so unfair.


It could be that your meds need some adjustments now that you're pushing them to the limits. I would really encourage you to get to your psychiatrist and discuss what you're experiencing. A minor tweak in the meds may provide you with some much needed relielf.


But I had another thought and I apologize for even questioning this. It's just that I wonder how much experience your T has with childhood sexual abuse issues. It seems as though she may not understand how detrimental flooding emotions can be to you.

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 10:40pm

It can be frustrating to be in the middle of doing the work when you'd rather just be done with it already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Sun, 08-09-2009 - 1:42pm
It is a lot to deal with and the emotions can be overwhelming at times.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Sun, 08-09-2009 - 9:43pm

I don't have a P doc only Family doc. I'll give the wellbutrin more of a chance. Although i think i could use an anti anxiety at times. What is the kind you are on?


As for the T I'd imagine she knows a lot about sexual abuse as shes from the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre. She also tries to get one emotion out of me.


Thanks for the well wishes. I wasn't really looking for advice just understanding, thanks.


I just need to hear that others have gone through the same thing. I'm a get it done type person and it just feels like i should be doing something.


I also hate that i can't seem to remember stuff. I have a terrible memory and I'd really like to remember stuff so i can go on. I don't believe it's blocked memories as I'm pretty sure i remembered it in the past.


It's just plain hard.

Guider Barb
Guider Barb
Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 9:49am

Hi again,


I'm on Lexapro for depression and Wellbutrin is actually my anti-anxiety med. Typically our GP doctors are able to treat generalized depression but may be ill-equipped to provide the best care for our more complex needs. It could be that you need to consider finding a true psychiatrist for your meds. Also, from what I've read, Wellbutrin may not be best for people who have eating disorders and most reports caution very strongly about its use

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 1:11pm
Oh believe me I think every one here has been in your place at one time or another and some times we even re-visit that place several times along our healing path.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 10:07pm

Brenda,


In your last message I was

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 10:18pm
Sorry I'm loosing my mind and can't remember from one post to the next who said what.
 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2009
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 7:58pm

Finding a P doc is nearly impossible. We have a shortage of them and you have to be really bad off to get in to see one. I think all of them are not taking new patients. I went to the Sexual Assault Crisis Centre as a way to get some therapy. I don't really have any complains about my T. It's just difficult. I went to T when i was 19 (abuse went on till 17) and it just was so different for me. I'm sure it was my age and being so close to what happened. I have been in T for a little over 2 months i think. I'm waiting to get in to a group session.


I just really need to talk to someone. I find it very difficult to talk to my husband. My homework from the T was she's away is to write what i want to say to husband, come back to it and fine tune it and then read it to him. I put stuff off like that as long as i can. Same with conflict. I avoid it as best I can.


My other homework was to look into Yoga. We talked about some form of spirituality for me. If i go to church it'll have to be by myself as husband is Jewish and I'm not. I mentioned that I'm interested in meditation but don't seem to find any quite time. She suggested taking Yoga lessons. I've gone twice and i do like it. Almost cried at the first one.


The memory thing for me seem more like forgetfulness. One symptom of my depression/anxiety/what ever is i can't think of what word I'm trying to say. It's almost like that. I think I'm loosing memory like you do as you age. Something like that.


I feel like a ticking time bomb too. I've been stifling my emotions so much I'm afraid I'll explode. I fly off the handle when hubby says something i don't like.


Anyway, enough babbling for now.


Thanks

Guider Barb
Guider Barb
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Thu, 08-13-2009 - 10:26pm
Finding a P doc is nearly impossible. We have a shortage of them and you have to be really bad off to get in to see one.