I guess I'll start with my story.
Hello josegirl welcome to our board.
Thanks Brenda for responding.
I'm glad you did come you are among women who have BTDT and understand what you are feeling.
DD may not know why it is such a big deal right now, but at a later date it may come back to haunt her.
Hi joesgirl. I just wanted to say that you aren't alone and thank Brenda for her words of wisdom...she always has something so intelligent to say it floors me!
Yes, having it come back to "haunt" you is what a lot of us go through. SA is such a weird thing. It's a crime. Ask yourself if anyone would be saying "let it go"and "you are blowing it out of proportion" if instead of SA someone has beat you up badly. No, they'd want justice and would support you in recovery and if memories came back when your child was beat up by the son of the same person...they'd understand. But SA is "icky" and no one wants to talk about it. And I think mom's in particular feel guilty they didn't find it and stop it so they pretend it couldn't have been that bad. They think...how could I have left my child that unprotected??? and they they don't want the answer. So they bury it. To face it honestly means having to live with the truth that they failed to protect you.
I knew I had been abused but didn't get most of my memories back until I was 35 after I was in the hospital having a hysterectomy and came home to find out my neighbor's(she was babysitting) son had been molesting my kids while I was in the hospital. I spent time dealing with it then and thought it was over. Then it hit again after my granddaughter was born 2 years ago as I was recovering from a very traumatic broken neck. I'm 58 and still getting memories back. I'm hoping this will be the last time I have to go into therapy but I'm not going to say "never". As my T said recently...you deal with it "until"....until it is over, or you are over or whatever...you just deal with it with no time lines for completion.
I see it no differently than my knees. I hurt them at age 14. I've been through 14 knee surgeries as they fell apart. They were replaced 10 years ago but now are showing signs of needing revisions. This will go on for the rest of my life. Why shouldn't the worst assault on my soul also go on for the rest of my life too? It hurt me just as badly.
SA is an assault on the soul. It will come back to affect you but it may affect you in positive ways, too. I joined a group that was going into schools to do programs on stranger danger, bullying and SA. That was a positive affect. I'm part of a group now that does free groups for victims of all kinds of abuse. Another good result of those memories. It will come back but you can use it for good too. Use your anger to help others so you feel like something good is coming out of all this pain.
We have our own family here. We understand. You can vent to us all you need to. WE WILL BELIEVE YOU. We've been there.