Help understanding. Possible Trigger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
Help understanding. Possible Trigger.
2
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 5:09pm

This may be triggering for some, so please don't read if you are not in a good

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 1:22am

(((Gevie)))


Here's my opinion of the things you asked about:


Absolutely you can forget all sorts of things about the abuse. Do you remember the clothes you were wearing that day or if the sun was shining? For me, it happened so often that the experiences all blur together and I'm not quite sure what happened when. I know what the general pattern was in what happened, but I don't remember specifics about it all. Everyone's brain works differently. I'm sure some survivors remember each instance, the smell, the color of the room, every word said. I just remember generalities. I also greatly dissociated so it's as if

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Wed, 11-04-2009 - 5:31pm

Hi Gevie. I'm Jenny and the victim of all sorts of severe abuse and I've been in therapy for most of my life. I think I know what your therapist is talking about and I have experienced it.

A lot of the sexual abuse I went through was perpetrated by adults and teenagers who were just out to satisfy themselves and thought nothing of how it felt for me. But 1 abuser was careful to not inflict pain and did a lot of clitoral massage to give me some pleasure so I wouldn't fight him. The clitoris gives pleasure in children too, not just as adults. So yes, I liked what he did and was far more likely to allow him to abuse me than others.

And yes, this causes problems with how you look at it. It's still abuse whether it felt good or not. It was no different than the ones that just hurt me for their own pleasure. But yet I didn't consider him an abuser like the others because he took my feelings into consideration.....or so I thought. What was finally pointed out to me that this was a clever way for an abuser to get me to like and trust him even more than usual. I started to let him do it....I liked the feeling. It was a tough situation to get through emotionally since this was a close relative who I still see regularly. He is the only relative I confronted and he did apologize(a rarity). We now have a relationship that is okay but would I trust him with my kids...NEVER. But those mixed feelings are tough to deal with.

So I bet this is what your T is talking about. She needs to just bite the bullet and say the words rather than beating around the bush. Was there any pleasant stimulation, such as clitoral stimulation that made you feel like it was nice? It's important to face as you still need to deal with it...it was still abuse no matter how good it might have felt.

Is this what she is after?

gentle hugs............Jenny