Why is it so difficult?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Why is it so difficult?
6
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 12:00am

I was raped. Why is that so difficult to say or to admit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 8:59pm

I'm proud of you for coming to this board and saying something that is so difficult for you. You don't have to answer any questions. Sometimes we ask people questions, but you never have to say anything you're not comfortable saying and you don't have to answer a question. Use this forum as you need to.


I don't tell many people I was sexually abused as a child because people don't even respond well to that. They can have sympathy when some case of SA appears in the news, yet they don't understand why anyone who is now an adult survivor should possibly have reason to have any emotional issues. "It happened a long time ago, get over it!" seems to be the attitude. So I hide the SA. You're not alone in what you do and you're not alone in your experiences. We understand (those of us who frequent this board).


When the newspapers won't show a rape victim's name or face, it's done to protect her. Being sexually assaulted is different from being shot, for example, as sex is such a personal issue. I know some rape survivors ask to have their name used and picture shown, but most don't. Sadly. too many people still blame rape survivors for: what she wore, where she was, not knowing better, drinking, etc. They don't understand it. And it's sad that people don't see rape survivors as survivors. I'm sorry people don't understand how courageous a person must be to get through such a traumautic experience.


You are where you are. If for now telling us you were raped is all you can do, that's okay. If that's as far as you ever get, that's okay too. Be kind to yourself. You survived a horrible experience and you don't owe anyone any explanation or information. You're in control of what you say.


Take care of yourself. You matter.


Allie


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2000
Fri, 11-13-2009 - 1:11pm

I've been trying to help a woman who was sexually abused (and there are massive religious problems as well) and just last night I was telling her if I could go to Times Square, I would but it up in lights.....I would tell the world what was done TO her and how she has survived and thrived in spite of it. I told her she's my hero and her name should be in lights and shouted from the rooftops.

And the same goes for you.

I disagree with Allie...the other poster to you. Rape and being shot are the same...they are both assaults on the body but we insist on treating then differently because we are hung up on sex crimes. THEY ARE THE SAME.

You were attacked and assaulted and you have survived and thrived and are reaching out to support others. You are a hero and don't ever forget it. You are no different from the folks who survived the shootings at Fort Hood....you survived an assault.

I have gone on national TV and given my name and said what was done to me and I stood up for every abuse victim in this world and I will always be proud of that despite the bad results from doing so. I lost my job, and my position in Girl Scouts and my job as a lunch mother at school and my kids lost friends. But I don't care. And I'd do it again if asked. We are VICTIMS and we deserve to be lauded as survivors just as the folks at Fort Hood.

Stand up and be proud of yourself.

gentle hugs...............Jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Fri, 11-13-2009 - 9:20pm

Allie,


Thanks for taking the time to respond to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Fri, 11-13-2009 - 9:20pm

Jenny,


Thanks for taking the time to reply to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 4:17pm

Jenny, I respectfully disagree with your view on being sexually assaulted and being shot. If I were to be shot, for example, I would have no problem with letting doctors examine me, letting med students learn from it, having family or friends there and letting them see my wound. My wound in a rape, however, for me, (and I'm not trying to convince you, we're all entitled to our opinion, I'm just sharing why I said this), would be much more personal. There may not be much physical damage. I might have bruising and some other physical pain that needs to heal, or I might have been given an STD, but so much of it is psychological damage to a part of us that most people keep private. Most people don't share their sexual histories with the world so to be raped and have that shared with the world for everyone to know would be embarrassing to me. Notice I didn't say shameful, but simply embarrassing. It's too private and personal. The gunshot wound, while I might still have some emotional healing to do, doesn't hit us in a spot that is something that is already something most of us keep private. Some people have no problem discussing their sexual lives and history with anyone. Most of us don't openly share that as we see it as something personal and private between ourself and our husband/boyfriend/partner (whomever it may be for each one of us). I don't tell people details of sexual things between my husband and I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 8:16am

Rape and being shot..............Not the same at all.


If I had to choose for my own daughters, rape or being shot (not killed), I'd choose the shooting without batting an eye.

LUCKY