New here

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
New here
3
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 7:32pm

I have posted on some other boards in the past but this is my first time visiting this site. I guess this is a subject I try to think very little about if possible. I will make my story short and simple. I was sa by my father starting at the age of 9. It lasted until almost age 12 when I told my mother. My parents had been divorced since I was 3. We prosecuted and he went to jail for 2 years. I never saw him again after I testified at the trial. I am 39 now and have tried some therapy in the past but never put much into it. My relationships, including my marriage, have always been rocky. I yell a lot, feel insecure, and am generally angry. I tend to blame a lot of things around me and ignore the sa. I am going through a hard time in my life again. Alcohol seems to make these episodes much worse. I have decided to not drink for as long as necessary for myself but more for my two kids. Reading these posts makes me realize how much my behavior is linked to my abuse. I feel like my marriage could end at any moment and I'm scaring my children with all the fighting I engage in with my husband. I am reassessing who I am becoming. I feel sad, lonely, and hurt. I hope the all of you will join me on my journey.


Douzy

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: douzy
Sat, 01-02-2010 - 11:01am

Hi and welcome Douzy! I'm really glad you found us and

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
In reply to: douzy
Sat, 01-02-2010 - 2:04pm

Thank you for your response. I know that I can handle my alcohol use on my own. I just know that it has been exacerbating already bad feelings lately. My dh is an alcoholic. He drinks every day for most of the day. He is high functioning but it is affecting our relationship. Spoke with my mom this morning and she made a really good point. She was noting that lately I haven't been feeling like my emotional needs have been met so it could be bringing feelings to the surface. My life from the outside looks quite normal. I am a respected teacher, I have been with my dh for 16 years, and we have two intelligent, beautiful children. I just know that I feel empty and angry lately. I am definetly looking for therapy. I am in a small community so finding the right person can be a challenge but I am sure that I can find someone. I have tried therapy in the past but have never really put much into it. It must be time for me to meet some of my issues head on rather than run away. I just know that it is nice to know that I have a place like this to read, vent and share my feelings.


Douzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
In reply to: douzy
Tue, 01-05-2010 - 3:28pm
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