**Triggering**-- Self-injury talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
**Triggering**-- Self-injury talk
4
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 11:47pm

not sure where to go with this...... I have cut for yrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 2:51pm
Photobucket

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 7:03pm
I'm really sorry to read about what you're doing to yourself since I have no doubt that not only what happened to you regarding your s/a and the death of your mother but it
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:22pm

Shannon,


It's easier to say than to absorb sometimes but it's not your fault.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2008
Sat, 01-09-2010 - 1:51am

brenda, Jackie, and healing........ thank you.

yes i am therapy... i wouldnt be alive if i werent in therapy. but iam absolutely hurting right now for my therapist who died 14 months ago. dont get me wrong, i am so working hard with my new T... i adore her... i feel safe there, its sometimes my only safe place. its when i leave i have problems... the flashbacks and dreams are haunting me far more now than ever before. my T says to me, "this is good" i am not seeing or feeling good...
i believe it is my younger parts that cut/burn to escape. and an older part who now drinks as a destructive act out of guilt and self anger for not saving my mother. i know these things by the feeling in my heart... very different parts... as revealed in therapy.

i am having dreams that are breaking me, of myy mother in front of me reaching begging for me but i cant reach her no matter how far i reach, and i cannot hear her voice, just see her talking screaming. looking like she did after that animal shot her... i couldnt save her.

and dreams of her there when that animal raped me and she couldnt reach me.

it feels like we are going backwards when i have come so far adjusting and working with my new T. but she keeps assuring that it is okay and even "this" (meaning the dreams so horrid and flashbacks and feeling unsafe) is "good" it is progress. the dreams never end... i wake in a horrible state. T says the dreams need to be completed. i dont know how that will happen.

i think also perhaps i am yearning for Rosemarie ans still almost 14 mos after her sudden death, it is still at times an unbearable ache for her. :( and trusting new T more and more and feeling more of the same feelings i had with Rosemarie... that is scary and i just am missing her so very much. honestly she was a mother figure... her passing affected me greatly... affected "us" greatly.

probably none of this makes sense... thank you for reading if you have this far. gosh sorry i rambled. suppose its better than hurting myself.

~~Shannon