What Can I Do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2010
What Can I Do?
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 1:26am

My situation is messed up and I had something to do with it because of my anger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2008
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 11:26pm

I guess my question would be what do you want to do?

There's also nothing that says you can't go to therapy by yourself to get things straight in your own head about what you want to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 10:46pm
I agree with healingjourney.



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 7:44pm

"I became enraged and choked her in our living room in front of our children."

This would not be conducive to wanting/getting close to you. I am not too sure how long ago this happened but I think it would take some time to forgive you, let alone forget. There is definitely TRUST issues.

"but she don't "SERVE" me like her husband in a sexual sense."

I capitalized the word serve.
Attitude is everything...she does not have to "SERVE" you...

"She told me she's dealing with a lot of stuff and I don't know the depth of her abuse, but I know it is affecting her and our marriage."

But are you really "LISTENING"...She is now also dealing with your "Abuse" of HER in front of your children...She needs time...you admit to pushing her..."I try not to push it, but I'm tired and frustrated ." and have said in not so many words you are dealing with your own "Anger"..."Right now I'm at a crossroads in our marriage and don't think I can take another hit with her. All this stuff is causing us a lot pain and with my anger the frustration is making me come to a boil."

If you continue along these lines, it could just push your wife further away...kwim?

I don't know what to suggest, maybe counseling for both of you, together and individually.
It's complicated because you admit you have "Anger" issues..."My situation is messed up and I had something to do with it because of my anger."

I don't know if you can get her trust back or earn back the respect she once had for you.
She wanted/needed your support and also your patience.
Ultimately the choice and the decision is hers.