First Time I talked about this at age 50

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Registered: 05-21-2004
First Time I talked about this at age 50
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Sun, 05-16-2010 - 4:17pm

My




Edited 5/27/2010 7:33 am ET by travinski

Travi

 

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Registered: 04-18-2008
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 10:22pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 9:00pm
I read your whole story. I'm so very sorry you lived your life like this. All I can say is that you still have life in you left. If there is any way to seek the help you need- be brave and go do it. No one should feel like a recluse. That is a horrible way to perceive yourself. Regardless of all of your abuse, go do all of the little things that possibly make you happy. And then onto to bigger things. God Bless You!
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Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 8:06am
Someone called me yesterday and asked me if I wanted to come see her new house. I didn't answer the phone. I don't know why. I just felt safer at home. I thought, "I'm too fat. I have nothing nice to wear. I'm too tired. I'm reading....." I'm going to phone her today and ask if I can come today. I hate myself when I stay at home and feel suicidal yet when given the opportunity, I freeze even though, it's what I've been waiting for. I'm so confused by my own actions.

Travi


Travi

 

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Registered: 05-17-2010
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 9:01am
Yes, please make the call today. Every day- pick up the phone and show up for life. I understand the loathing self images and I think we all go through that sometimes. I suffered a horrible eating disorder when I was younger. Today- it's a miracle that I'm not consumed by that anymore. I was also molested by my stepbrother when I was 13. I consented to it because I didn't have the courage to tell him it was not OK. As an aside, my 20 year old stepdaughter has struggled for years with depression and anxiety. She has benefited from medication. It has helped "even" out her feelings. I'm not always a fan of medication but when it's life or death...perhaps you should talk to someone? In any event, do some small things today. Pick up the phone, wash your face, put on some good smelling cream- anything but sit there and feel you aren't worthy. You need to decide that the rest of your life is worth living.
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Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 10:06am
No


Edited 5/27/2010 7:36 am ET by travinski

Travi

 

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Registered: 05-21-2004
Wed, 05-19-2010 - 10:13am

I called but she wasn't home.




Edited 5/27/2010 7:38 am ET by travinski

Travi

 

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Registered: 05-17-2010
Sat, 05-22-2010 - 6:29pm

Hello Again,

My first thought honestly is that if you are seeing the same therapists, maybe you aren't getting what you need from them therapeutically. For anyone to discount your comments about anything sexual seems harsh and unprofessional. And I feel that you don't have to apologize for how you are coming across about your parents- of course there is love there- but there is obviously a great deal of hurt too. Yes, chances are they had a story to tell too. I feel all the hurt we all endure will never completely disappear. Our pain is often a scab that we wear but don't need to pick at. Instead, show up for life and band-aid it the best way you can. I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. Think positive and love yourself. And let yourself be loved :)

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Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 10:15am

Thanks again.



Travi

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 4:19pm

Hi Travi,


I'm sorry that you're feeling guilty about sharing what you've dealt with and the pain you feel still.


If you'd like, you can edit your post by clicking on "edit" at the bottom of the post and then you can delete anything you've typed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Tue, 05-25-2010 - 6:24pm
Travi, many people have done the same thing, they write the post then feel bad or embarrassed or what ever and don't want the world to know what is on their minds.
 

 

 

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