* Tuesday Two *

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
* Tuesday Two *
8
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 9:17am

Sometimes, when we are in a down period in our lives, we fall into hanging with people in the same situation even if they are not really good for us (misery loves company).  Or we find ourselves thrust into the company of a downer person through our significant others or our jobs. 


1. Have you ever had friends that bring you down?


2. Have you chosen to keep them or weed them out of your life?


Looking forward to how others have handled these situations.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
In reply to: cara_ivy
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 11:40am

Good morning! :) I have had this kind of experience, and in some cases I was able to counteract the negativity, say in a work situation, with purifying spiritual rituals and so forth, to face each day of work and not get sucked into it.

Sadly I had a long-time friend, over 35 years, who became extremely negative. At the time I was going through a depression myself facing the loss of my hearing and the loss of employability in my field because of it. :( This friend, who had lived several hours' drive away for years, suddenly moved to my community, and lived with friends very close by. She was coming over nearly daily, instant messaging and emailing me, dumping her woes on me, standing in the driveway when I came home from school, and constantly complaining about everything, from the friends who took her in when she had financial problems, to her employer and co-workers, wider society and it's ills, etc. I got sucked into these "gripe sessions," too, and it just brought me lower. :-\ At first I didn't see what was happening because it was so good to just have her close, after all these years. We used to have fun together, enjoyed renting and watching movies and discussing them, going to unique shops to browse, going out to lunch, etc. I still don't know if this was the way she had always been, but because we only saw each other a few times a year, I never saw her "true face" or not. Finally, for my own psychological survival, I had to distance myself from her because I was always worse off, totally drained, after spending some time with her. :((

So, yes, I think that there are what I call "emotional/psychic vampires" that suck on your positive energy to feed their own lack. Even with a strong spiritual practice, the friend I mentioned above, dragged me down. It's insidious, and you don't always realize what's really happening, I don't think. It took a very strong act of will, and backing from my DH and even my grown DD, for me to break lose from this person. Now, it's much easier for me to remove myself when I recognize an energy sucker...I listen to my intuitive warning bells and don't let such a person even try to get close. I've even met such people on the Internet in discussion groups, and learned to recognize them for what they are, as well, and back off from posting to them. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, some people just learn to "get by" this way instead of building, nurturing and using their own inner resources. :(

I'll be interested to hear about others' experiences and how they handled them, too!

Gypsy




Edited 12/7/2004 11:44 am ET ET by gypsywolfwoman


Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: cara_ivy
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 3:17pm

1. Have you ever had friends that bring you down?


2. Have you chosen to keep them or weed them out of your life?


I have had several instances where I've had to deal with negative people.

 

Avatar for dustbunny48
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cara_ivy
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 7:14pm

1. Have you ever had friends that bring you down?


I think we all have friends who seem to walk around under a black cloud all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: cara_ivy
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 10:04pm

" Paths don't cross by coincidence. "


I think this is true ~ I think we actually have some lessons to learn ourselves in how to handle negative people in our lives.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: cara_ivy
Tue, 12-07-2004 - 10:07pm
There is only so much complaining you can take, it sounds like you made the right decision with this one.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
In reply to: cara_ivy
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 11:05am

I know I made the right choice, even though a sad one. The way I look at it now in retrospect is that she was my teacher in how to recognize and handle this kind of situation in my life, and that it is important to take good care of me as well, and that I should not feel apologetic for doing so and not choosing to be victimized.

Sad and hard lesson to learn, though. I often remember the good days my friend and I had, and miss her and those days.

Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
In reply to: cara_ivy
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 11:07am

"Paths don't cross by coincidence."

ITA! :)) We are both teachers and students to others in our lives...

Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
In reply to: cara_ivy
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 11:54pm

1. Have you ever had friends that bring you down?
Yea but most of them are my family

2. Have you chosen to keep them or weed them out of your life?
I've kept them. I have found good in all of them. The family is the hardest one to loose.

StormyMoon