Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Lost
10
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 11:52am

I believe there is a God. I go to church and read the bible sometimes. But I'm not a Christian.

I believe there is a God. I am born in a below-average-income family with not very well educated parents. But I'm very loved and am blessed with a good brain. When I was confused, when I was not sure what to do, I make a decision and hope for the best. There's been numerous occasion in the past that, when I look back, i realise things always turned out for the best eventually. Thus, I've always felt I'm very blessed / lucky in a sense.

Nowadays though, I need to constantly remind myself of that. To have faith. To take things as they come. To believe things happen for a reason. That things will eventually turn out well.

I feel lost, directionless, confused, empty.

Why?

How can I reinstil my faith?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
In reply to: neuros
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 1:27pm

Hugs! It's a tough place to be, in that feeling empty space. :( Have you tried other churchs or denominations or studied different belief systems? Have you increased your solitude/meditation/prayer time to help you sort out the answers for yourself? I think we run into "plateaus" at times in our spiritual living, and to me that's always been an indication that I need to go deeper within, intensify the spiritual aspect of my life, either with studying, journaling, ritual, more meditative time, etc. There are many spiritual practices that can nurture your spirit. Once I sense that there is some spiritual "work" on myself to be done, then I try to increase my spiritual time in my daily life, and be open to new information and guidance that may come my way, as to where my path will lead me next. I watch, wait, and listen.

It's not an easy time, this feeling of emptiness and echo, but it is also a time of opportunity to reach out and re-connect to Spirit in deeper ways.

Hugs and prayers for guidance for you, that you will find what you seek and what you need,

Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
In reply to: neuros
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 7:46pm

I feel you on this!

 

 

152.6&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
In reply to: neuros
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 8:37pm

Hi Gypsy,

Thanks for understanding. I guess I've been alone for quite a while due to a heartbreak slightly over a year ago and only in these past few months have I really begun reaching out to new people and making more friends. As opposed to staying in on most weekends previously, my weekends and weekdays have been rather packed with activities as a result. However, the more I go out, the more people I know, the more tired I feel, physically and spiritually. I enjoy these outings but am unable to suppress this feeling of emptiness and lack of meaning. I feel that I've done the right thing, going out again, having new friends etc... but why?

You speak of spiritual work - can you tell me more about that?

So far I've mainly been going churches where I have friends in. Thus, to a certain extent, it's been pretty "limited". And in these instances, I never really did feel like I fit in and cannot always make myself agree totally with their believes and/or what they advocate. So I usually "drop off" after a while as there's little motivation in waking up on Sunday if I'm not going because I want to go. Does this make sense?




Edited 12/26/2004 9:28 pm ET ET by neuros
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
In reply to: neuros
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 9:23pm

Thanks ceecee.

I'm trying hard to hold onto my faith. I keep telling myself to continue believing. I think back to past instances where things have worked out eventually and hold these memories close to my heart to anchor myself.

I just wish there's something more concrete I can do. But what? Pray? I pray, but not in the conventional Christian way. Praying to me involves lying on my bed at night, closing my eyes and talking to God as I would to a friend. Will He hear me in this way? Will He respond? I don't know. This is the only way I feel most comfortable, unpretentious and true to myself.

Perhaps, like you said, this is a test for me. I hope I'll pass smoothly. Although at this moment in time, I feel like I'm taking an aeronautical paper... :(




Edited 12/26/2004 9:30 pm ET ET by neuros
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: neuros
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 11:30pm

Hi Neuros,


Welcome to the Faith & Spirituality board, and {{{ HUGS }}} to you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
In reply to: neuros
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 2:06am

Thanks Cara. I guess in a way, I do know all that. I just need reaffirmation - hearing people say it to me and not just me repeating it to myself again and again without anything happening. That can be a real drain on confidence and mental strength. Often times, inside ourselves, we all know the right, logical answers but we need someone to say it to us to make it real.

I'm glad I found this board. Though I've not gotten lots of responses, the few that I've gotten made me feel less lonely and more understood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
In reply to: neuros
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 12:21pm

I'm glad we can help, if even a little.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
In reply to: neuros
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 1:04pm

Glad you found this board and hope you stick around! :)

You sound like you are in searching mode, spiritually, trying out various churches that seem to nurture your friends, but have not ended up nurturing you, yourself. :( It can take a lifetime of spiritual searching to find your own path. Don't give up! :P By spiritual work, I mean actively seeking out your own Path. That means trying out different spiritual paths, like you have been doing by attending different churches. It also means seeking solitude, sitting in quiet meditation, opening yourself to Spirit to help guide you to your Path. It also means reading everything and anything to do with spirituality that you feel a connection to... Be on the lookout for books "finding you" while browsing in a bookstore, listening to the TV, radio, talking with people. There are spiritual "messages" in all kinds of books, fiction and non-fiction, that might connect with your own Spirit. To me, that's all spiritual "work." Including walking with my dog in Nature, on a dirt path, close to the Earth, feeling the wind/rain/sun on my face and shoulders, feeling a sacred connection to all Life.

You sound like you are coming out of your "healing phase" and ready to reach out to Life once again. Reach out actively to Spirit as well! :D If you don't feel nurtured or connected to a church, I don't think your should attend, either. Keep looking. There are many, many spiritual paths to investigate, try out, and study. Follow your inner intution and instincts, as you have been doing, in recognizing what's *not* working for you in terms of a church to attend. Don't give up! Your personal spiritual Path is out there. All your experiences will give you tools to move forward. Trust that and trust yourself and your own inner voice. :)

Hugs,
Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
In reply to: neuros
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 1:52am

i will! stick around, i mean... hahaaa...

re meditation: I've never tried it but don't think I can do it. I'm rather active and very impatient.

I've been surfing around though and I find beliefnet rather useful. will continue searching and not give up.

Thanks for your time and advice! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
In reply to: neuros
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 2:14pm

You're welcome! Just one more idea I got when reading that you don't think sitting meditation would work for you. There are two other forms of "active" or "moving" meditation that I know of: Yoga and T'ai Chi. You might investigate those...just a thought.

Best wishes on your Path,
Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(