The Catholic Faith - I've lost it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
The Catholic Faith - I've lost it
25
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:41am

I have been catholic all my life. Granted I'm not an avid church goer, but I do believe! Recently I've been having some depression issues and have found thru my counselor that most of it is due to the guilt over my past. She suggested I go to confession. But I've just learned that the catholic faith has turned to face to face confessionals. Just don't think I can do that and be able to look my priest in the eyes again. This guilt weighs heavy on me. I pray nightly that God has forgiven me, but how do I know he has? I feel like I'm losing my faith. I know they say "ask and ye shall receive", but how do I know? I'm so confused right now. Anyone with some words of advice would be greatly appreciated!

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:57am
(((Hugs!!))) I've been through a crisis of faith myself... not a fun place to be. Have you tried writing out your feelings, addressing them directly to God? Maybe that would help you find the Peace you seek.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:59am

HI there, sorry to hear you are going through this! I don't know if I can offer any advice to you...just my own experiences and thoughts (which I hope won't influence you negatively!)-- One of my big problems with the Catholic Church is confession. I just don't understand it, don't like it, and at this point...don't care if I need it for God to forgive me or not. If I don't feel it necessary in my heart, than I am okay with that.


Anyway, I think this might help a little more...but again I'm not sure b/c I don't know where you are geographically and what it's like there, but again, here is my experience: though most confessionals are now face-to-face, I DO know of churches that still have the traditional confessional. You might want to take a look and see if there is another church in your area that offers this.


The other thing is that the priest isn't supposed to judge, etc. I know it must feel extremely intimidating to confess face to face, but if you think that going to confession is going to be freeing to you, maybe you should try it out! If you can't find a church where you don't have to go face to face, you might want to go to a different church, that way when you're at Mass (if you go), you don't have to feel that your parish priest knows all your business, etc.


And I don't know if this would help, but guess it's worth a shot-- what about seeing the priest as a counselor, rather than God's spokesman? I don't know if that goes against your beliefs, though...but if you look at the priest as someone that is trying to help you, rather than judge you, that might help (?).


Well, best wishes to you!


~V

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:55am
Hi Chris, not sure if I can help b/c I'm not, nor ever have been Catholic so I don't really understand the whole confession thing at all and I don't want to tread on the beliefs of any one else but can you not just talk to God yourself without an intermediary? I don't believe that God stopped communicating with us thousands of years ago or only speaks to a handful of people. I think we just stopped listening and believing in ourselves enough to feel we could communicate directly with him. It's trusting that the little voice you hear in your head in response to what you have to say really is God or that the words of the next song we hear is telling us something or the stranger who we talk to in the street who seems to understand exactly what the problem is without us having to even talk about it or the answer that just pops into your mind really is God's way of talking to us. When I want to talk to God I light a candle, burn some incense, put some soothing music on and relax for a short while then when I feel ready, I say out loud what it is I want to say and I accept the replies that come into my head. If this doesn't work or anything else that you may try to make you feel that your message has been heard by God, I wonder if it would be possible to write your confession and send it to the priest perhaps anonymously or just signing your first name? Hope this is of some help.
Carol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 3:52pm

Thanks for all the replies. I have checked into some surrounding churches and they all do the same thing. Although I don't go to these churches, I do know the priests and they know my family (small towns). I know they are not supposed to judge, but I can't help but feel they will. I pray for forgiveness but just don't know that I've been forgiven. I pray for signs that I am. Nothing! I guess I just want someone to tell me I am. I'm just confused about the whole situation. I'm having trouble with getting over some things in my past and I feel like if I knew I was forgiven it would be easier to move on. That's all I want is to move on. I know God is "all forgiving", but how do we know that? Okay, now I'm just rambling. Sorry!

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 6:09pm
I was brought up in the Catholic faith also. Wondering if God is all forgiving is a very deep question that I believe most of us ponder. I think one good example is the problems with some of the priests in the church. They have been forgiven enough to, in most cases, be given a second chance (even by the Pope). Compared to what our "sins" are on a daily basis, I think God forgives us all. You can't say that swearing, lying,etc..is worse than accusations of molestation. Plus, God supposedly made us in his form. Why would he want to punish and degrade us? We are told in church that we are his greatest creation. Your depression has nothing to do with demons from your past. I believe people go through depression when things become stagnant and we don't know which road to travel next on our journey through life. You HAVE to make mistakes to learn from them! If you didn't, then you have nothing else to learn from life! I am not saying to drop being a Catholic BY NO MEANS!! That is a decision you make from your heart. But, always question spirituality and always keep learning everything you need to know until in your heart, you found peace. Maybe if you feel uncomfortable at an open confession (I did!), you can try a new route. I believe as long as it is from your heart, and you need to let things go from your past, it doesn't matter where you are. God is in your heart and soul, if you forgive your heart and soul, God forgives you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 9:07am

You are so right. Maybe it is a matter of ME just forgiving myself and letting it go. Just found out last night that our church is having this "Parish Mission" for five days. It's more or less a lesson in what Catholics believe. It says it is a new spiritual awakening, bringing about a deeper love for God and revitalizing personal relationships. Think I should go? It starts this Sunday.

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 10:56am
I think you should go..with an open mind..you may learn something from it or you may permanently decide that church isn't right for you. It can't hurt. I believe anything that can give you a better understanding of beliefs and God can't be bad. If you keep an open mind, you won't feel guilty if they say something that you don't agree with. That's my opinion, but see what others say too and make a decision from that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:14pm

I agree with Virgogirl. Go with an open mind and just see what you get out of it. Pray beforehand asking for clarity, then be open to whatever answers you get.

Good luck!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 6:03am

Hi


I was just lurking. I am a member of a 12 Step group. One of the steps is that we admitted to God, to ourselves AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING the exact nature of our wrongs. I can tell you that it helps. Please call a local church...ask if you could have an old fashion, not face to face confession. The priest may agree.


Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 9:49am

Hi luvdchelsea, I've been lurking for a bit on this board and wanted to respond to your post.

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