Insight into my overwhelming feeling...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Insight into my overwhelming feeling...
7
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 1:21pm

Well, most of you replied to my post about my overwhelming feeling. Well, it finally came. I was admitted into the hospital Tues with chest pains. Then sent to a heart hospital for a heart cath. Nothing was found except that I have some type of virus in my body that my body just cannot fight and it found its way to my heart and lungs. After my procedure, I almost bled to death. My BP went to 53/28. At that point, your brain goes into shut down mode and I did too. I remember a few things, but then all I saw was white. I swore I was gone and was in heaven just waiting for my long lost friends and dog to greet me. But then I heard these voices and next thing I knew, there was my dr. This happened twice within an hour's time. I'm finally home and extremely weak, but ladies, I really need some input here. What does all this mean? Am I getting a second chance? How am I supposed to fight this virus? I so confused! I plan on turning alot of things around now, but I need the energy! Where do I get that when I'm this exhausted from this "Virus"? I truely belive God, or someone, was watching over me. My therapist often does Rei-kei on me and when I was meditating in the hospital I saw a lot of green and the face of a very very dear friend who dies suddenly and tragically. That, alone, scared me out of my skin. I have yet to tell my therapist this, but plan to as soon as she returns my call.

Any insight or advice you all can give, please do so. I NEED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 2:11pm

(((Chris)))...sending healing energy and prayers your way!!! I am so sorry to here what you have been going through. I can only imagine how frightening it has all been:( I give Thanks you are still with us!!! What a blessing. I without a doubt believe God was, and more importantly IS with you. Always. One thing that struck me was you mentioning your meditation in the hospital.

 

"In short, all good things in life are wild and free."  ~Thoreau

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 2:11pm

Oh Chris, I'm not sure I have any insight for you but welcome back and I'm sooooo glad that you are getting better and are starting to feel stronger. Don't try to rush things and worry too much about finding the energy that you need straight away. You are here and you have plenty of time to pursue the changes that you want to make without making yourself ill again. If indeed this is a second chance then you have been given it and I have every confidence that you are not going squander it so be kind to yourself and don't try and overdo things. The virus is obviously still (a little bit at least) in your system hence the exhaustion and maybe that is part of what you needed to slow you down and give you the chance to ruminate on things so accept it as being part of the lesson. It may be just the opportunity you needed to sort out your confusion.

From the little I understand the colour green is associated with love and resonates with the heart chakra so perhaps your seeing lots of green is to do with the love that is surrounding you. Sorry I can't give any more insight into this than that but I for one am just grateful that your still around and that you've been given the opportunity to come back and share this with us.

Much love, light and blessings
Carol

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 4:41pm

Oh Chris, how frightening for you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 6:50pm

Thanks and hugs to all of you. I do truely believe that this is my second chance. And, since I was doubting my faith so much lately, this just secured my faith even more. I am going to make some positive changes in my life, but know I have to do so slowly and learn to have some patience for those changes.

The friend I saw while meditating was extremely calming. I loved her so dearly. I saw her face clear as a bell, with that big beautiful warming smile that she was known for and her big blue beautiful eyes. It was such a calming sensation when I saw her face and I felt a sense of calm. This happened my second night in the hospital and I'd had absolutely no sleep. Immediately after that, I slept like a log (that is until they came in and woke me up to draw blood)! LOL I have always wondered if she might be my guide and actually always hoped it was her. Now I really think it is her. And what a wonderful feeling that is. Hope she sticks around! Her name was Donnis (unusal, I know), but then again, she was one very unusual free spirit while on this earth.

As for the virus, they are unsure what exactly it is or where it came from or how long I've had it. That's the one part I'm still very frustrating about. They don't know how to treat it. I refuse to give up but wish I knew where to turn.

Thank you all so much. I knew if I told me true feelings here, you wouldn't think I was "losing it". I thank God I was led to this board. And I thank God for all of you!

Lots of love to you all,
Chris


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 9:50pm

Chris,


You're only responsibility right now is to yourself.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Sun, 03-20-2005 - 2:34pm

Hugs and Prayers! What a traumatic time you've had! :=O

I know that I have seen/sensed the presence of some loved ones when undergoing something major, such as surgery, although I've never almost died, as you did. I knew they were there in support and love and I felt buoyed up and safe.

I think since you are indeed alive, that you have more to do in this lifetime. :) Perhaps some reiki treatments or other holistic/spiritual work would be good to assist you in your healing? First, take good care of yourself. Don't worry about doing for others or how they'll manage until you are well. You are your full attention!

I find visualization very helpful, too, as a meditative practice to help support my healing. I have had some good results by visualizing healing of my body, in very specific ways. In your case, it would be your heart and lungs, your whole body. See each part of your body, strong and healthy, and you making the positive changes in your life, and moving forward with your life. I do these kinds of healing visualizations multiple times a day, for 10-15 minutes and building up in time as my concentration and focus improve.

Hugs, prayers, and healing energy,
Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 4:45am
I am so sorry for what you are going through! It must be so tough to have to try to relax when you don't even know what "virus" is in you! That must be causing anxiety in itself! All of us will be praying and hoping for you to get well, so try not to worry and keep all that energy to help your body fight whatever is affecting you!
Love and Blessings,
Robbyn