Think I am having a mid-life crisis

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Think I am having a mid-life crisis
12
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 2:46pm

I was 40 at the end of 2004 and I have certainly noticed a few differences in how I think and feel since then, but the latest is driving me nuts. I can't stop obsessing about having another baby!!!! My dd will be 19 next month and ds 17 in June and I have never, ever felt I wanted any more until now. Logically and rationally I know it's not going to happen, nor is it possible as my dh had a vasectomy 16 years ago but I still can't stop thinking about it and wanting it. My dd wasn't planned and although ds was it was more a case of lets have two and get it over with rather than stretch things out so I've never really felt the pull to have a baby before now.

Without wanting to offend anyone, have any of you older ladies been through this or anything like it? Is it normal and do you think it is just a phase and will go as quickly as it came?

Blessings
Carol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 3:19pm

I do understand some. I have 2 ds and always wanted a girl, but health reason stopped that and as I approach 40 this year I had this small hope still and again health and surgery problems stopped that. I have already about had a mental breakdown. It has been an incredibly hard road to accept that this will never happen again.


You are not alone.


((((hugs))))


Lea

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 4:27pm

This may sound funny, but you may want to address this with your gyn or general practitioner. The baby-craving is often caused by hormones...is it possible you're menopausal? If not, it could still be a hormone shift, something a doc could either help with, or at least tell you it's a normal stage & be able to enlighten you about...

(HUGS)



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 10:29am

I, too, think it's hormones playing games in your head.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 10:51am

I know what you are saying. I had my DD later, at 34. In my mid 40s I felt that pull, also, that I wanted another child, and we tried. I miscarried. I finally accepted the wisdom of my body, that I had left that phase of my life behind, and it was time to move forward in other venues in my life. I accepted Nature was telling me that my childbearing years were at an end and that the purpose of my life had changed. I moved on into spiritual pursuits and other interests in my life. In looking back, now at 58, it would have been disastrous for me to have another child at that late age, for both of us. We had left diapering and all behind, were working with our DD through tough times in high school and realized another, much younger child would have drained us in many ways that would have hindered us in working with our DD. The physical toll and physical energy needed for younger children would have also been a great strain.

I think it was important for me to understand that as a woman there is much more to my purpose in life than child-rearing. DH & I are happy to have the freedom we have now to live as a couple again, pursue our own interests and not worry who's going to be home with a child, etc.

It takes time to process this change in your life, and spiritual tools are very helpful, as well as the realization there is much left to do, experience, explore in life when you again have the freedom to do so. ;))

Gypsy




Edited 4/9/2005 10:54 am ET ET by gypsywolfwoman


Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 12:04pm

I agree with your post, Barbara! I am 30 with 2 small children. Both my husband and I are not sure if we want another child, so sex is always "planned out" or worrisome. I can't take pills because of heart probs and if we forget to "use something", we have to worry for a month! I can't wait until I can actually fully enjoy it again! If we don't want a child by the time I am 35, one of us is getting "fixed" LOL. Enjoy your 40's and your children going out on their own! Before you know it, you'll have granchildren to look after and, like they say, the good part about it is when you want time to yourself, you can hand them back over to the parents! LOL.

R-

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 12:28pm

I'm glad you started this discussion, s_b_a.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 8:53pm

Hi Carol:)


First I have to start with...When did I become one of the "older ladies"???? LOL

 

"In short, all good things in life are wild and free."  ~Thoreau

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 9:20am

Thank you to everyone who has replied. It's nice to know I'm not the only one out there feeling this way. I do think that my hormones may be playing tricks on me. I also think that part of it may have been brought on by having several friends with new and very adorable babies. Also a friend from work has just discovered she is pregnant with her first (and probably only) child at 43. I am so pleased for her. They gave up on the idea several years ago following several miscarriages but she is now past the danger stage so things are looking good. I'm still feeling the pull but am able to put things a little bit more in perspective.

I have always looked forward to this time of my life knowing that my children would be old enough for me to pursue my goals without worrying about babysitters or who is going to be there when they get home from school etc (of course older teenagers bring with them different kinds of worries but that's a whole new post lol)but it is also a little scary not having that excuse to hold me back and does take some adjusting to.

Love and light to you all
Carol

PS how do I reply to all? I've seen other posts that say all in them but I can't figure how out to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 11:37am

When you first log on to reply to a post, there is a dropdown menu showing all the people who have posted on the thread.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 7:05pm
I've been wondering about that too. Is it an option for only those who have the upgraded accounts? I'm not seeing any drop-down menu with my little freebie account. The name of the person whose post I clicked on is the only one listed.

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