I HATE the phrase "I Can't"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
I HATE the phrase "I Can't"
12
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 9:35pm

My two year old daughter has gotten in the habit of saying I can't. She says it about everything!!!! I don't know how to get her to stop. I may not be the most positive person in the worl, but I try and I want her to try. She to young to have that kind of outlook already. I try to get her to say things like I don't want to or I need help instead of I can't. I'm also trying to not say it myself. I don't want her to feel defeated quite yet. I was sorta kiding, what I really mean is at all. She's so smart and creative and strong minded. I want to mold those things so she can grow. She's only a baby and already holding herself back.

CHristy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 10:35pm

Where did she hear it/learn it in the first place?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 11:13am
Whenever she says it, try redirecting her with 'Yes you can, you just need help. It's OK to ask for help.' See if that doesn't make a difference. Keep us posted. :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 11:33am
This sense of powerlessness is so pervasive, isn't it? :-\ That horrible idea that there are only a few special, talented people in the world -- the DOERS -- and the rest of us are just their window dressing or audience. Fake self-esteem programs, with lowered standards so "everybody is a winner," don't help much, I don't think. Kids see right through this kind of thing. They have built in "radar." Like you want to do, giving your child opportunities for growth, curiosity, exploration, AND failure, is so important. It's scary when this natural positive chidhood outlook and opportunity is threatened or taken away from a child. :-\ Perhaps she is getting this message thru playmates or cartoons, if she watches these. I think it's often hard to pinpoint the source of these self-limiting messages. Just keep encouraging her and look around you for clues to the "can't" mentality. She's picking it up somewhere... I think sometimes the source is fear of failure. It's o.k. to fail. It's how we learn, after all. Good luck! You are a wise mom to see this and be concerned about it. Hugs, Gypsy


Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 1:02pm
Thank you all for your response. It made me realize that she is still young enough to break this. I'm not really sure were she learned it. I live with my SIL and her 4 kids, who are not the most positive people in the world but I don't hear any of them using it as much as Roz. I will encourage her and let you know how we progress. THank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 4:49pm

You guys are so funny! This is not a big deal, nothing to indicate a future pessimist or defeatist. She's TWO! It's just a phase! Both my kids (and from what my friends say, most of their kids too) have gone thru this...it's like the "no" phase.

Sure, be positive, redirect, that sort of thing, but don't worry about long-term issues and spiritual downfalls. She's a kid, experimenting to see what she can get away with, what your reactions will be - they all do this sort of thing, it's part of learning how to exist!

Hugs, it IS frustrating, though!



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 8:19am
I think she is just practicing talking. Leila
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 12:43pm

I just want to repeat what another poster has said, she's only 2!! Firstly, they really don't understand the meaning behind most of what they say, and she's young enough to make it a positive.


When my ds was 3, he would say the same thing about everything, we knocked it up to me doing everything for him and he was lazy, lol.


(This is about me and my ds, no I'm not calling your dd lazy, I'm providing you with a story about experience)


Any who, he was a huge fan of Blues Clues, and when he would say, I can't, I'd sing, You can do, anything, that you wanna do. It always put a smile on his face, and he'd actually go do what ever it was. Not sure if your dd is into Dora, but my 3 year old is, and Dora is such a positive female, she can do anything!!! Thats what we tell our 3 year old, who also refuses to do anything for herself, lol.


I hope this helps ((hugs))

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 4:54pm

Try explaining it to her like this....


I had a teacher (6th grade, Miss Johnson) who told us this, and it has stuck with me for 20+ years.

Shyla

  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 10:10pm
I remember when I was a kid my grandmother would tell me to trust God and that I didn't have to be afraid. My Guardian Angel would help me and protect me. :) I told that to my daughter, too. Sometimes it helped with her fear or lack of confidence. Anna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2001
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 6:03am

"When you say "I can't" what you really mean is "I won't". "

I like this, too! :)) Also, I'm fond of this one, about when people say they'll "try:"

"Don't try; DO!"

"Try" gets them off the hook. Non-commital. To me when people say that, it tells me they don't intend to do so, so they leave themselves wiggle room...

Gypsy



Blessings,

Gypsy

)O(



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