Am I the Fool?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Am I the Fool?
8
Sat, 04-30-2005 - 4:49pm
Let me start off by saying, I am a strong believer in prayer, and I know that all things are possible through Christ Jesus! But I stray, and lately it seems like I have strayed more times then I can count. I have prayed to God and put my life in his hands, yet I have not been allowing him to work through me. I am a single mother with 1 child a 7 1/2 month baby girl. Her father has not being helpful at all, and I thought that I have been a good mother. I started back in school when I was pregnant for Medical Billing, took 6wks off to have my daughter and went back. I get help from my family and some from the state. I want so much for her to know her father, so when he calls and asks can he come see her, I say sure. I have even allowed him to spend the night on my couch so when she woke up he could be the one to help her go back to sleep. I have not gotten upset, that he is not helping financially or that he comes to see her every now and then, but I have let him no that what he is not doing is not right. We have not gone to court yet, so he has not rights to pay child support or visit her. I do have a huge problem with his mother seeing my child, she drinks alot, and is not mentally stable, and he knows this. Yet when I do talk to him he will not see my point of not allowing our child to be around someone like that. And recently he stole $120 from me, and now I can't locate him. I am not sure if any of this is making sense, but I need your prayers and advice. I feel like I have no control over the situation, and that I am at fault for allowing this to take place all this time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 12:16pm

Chrissy Honey, you DO have control over the situation. You need to CHOOSE to TAKE control. You need to decide what is more important to you: having the father in Baby's life in whatever capacity he's willing to be (meaning it's comepletely on HIS terms) or having the respect for yourself to be treated fairly and teaching your daughter to do the same. Remember that children pay a lot more attention to our actions than they do our words. If she sees you allowing him to use you (and that's exactly what he's doing) then she will grow up believing that is how she is supposed to be treated too. But if you stand up for yourself NOW, and insist not only that he provide for his child and do what's best for her, then she will expect respectfully as she grows up. The fact that he's stolen from you and is not concerned for her wellbeing where his mother is concerned tells that he's not the sort of influence you want in your daughter's life.

Now, as for praying for help... this may sound a bit harsh, but God helps those who help themselves. You can't allow yourself to be treated like a doormat, then expect Divine Intervention. You have to use your God-given intelligence and free will and stand up to this man.

(((Hugs))) and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 1:36pm
That is very true, very true. Thank you so much! I really needed to hear that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 5:46pm

Pray to our Lord.

 

 

152.6&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Sun, 05-01-2005 - 7:25pm

#1 BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!
Being a single mom is tough! Don't be so down. Think of the things you are trying to do to better yourself!

#2 CLEAN HOUSE
A child's father is very important to them, but he seems more into himself than his child at this time. It is his responsibility to take care of his child financially so get the ball rolling and make him become responsible. Take him to court and let the state help you get everything situated considering support and visitation.

Remember that everyone makes mistakes in life and if you were perfect, you would have nothing to learn from being on this Earth. There is a reason for everything that happens and, believe me, there have been some tough times in my life where I never thought things would get better. When I started believing in myself and expressing my concerns and opinions instead of relying on others opinions, truths or choices,etc... is when a more positive outlook came into my life.

Never give up! Stand up for yourself and keep praying no matter if, at the time, you feel like no one is listening to you. Before you know it, things will change. With or without your EX in your life!

Love,
Robbyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 9:51pm
I have contacted the FOC (Friend of the Court) in December of 2004. And am still waiting to go through the court process itself which I was told could be a while since they are so backed up. The courts will handle his visitation times and child support. Since I posted this message I have let go and let God handle it. I have played Boo Boo the fool too many times. I have wanted my child to have a father in her life, but didn't take time to realize that his actions show that he is not ready to be a part of her life. So I have began to move forward. I have a wonderful family who supports me and has been there for me, I have true friends who love me and support me. I am working on finishing school and being a postive the role mole for my daughter like I should. I was allowing this situation to consume me. It is like one day he wants to play daddy then the next he was MIA and that was not fair to her. And when he stole my money, that was it for me. Because we used to be in a relationship he knew where I hide my money. And never did I think he would go there and get it. But I know that nothing happens to happen, that all things happen for a purpose. God has brought me this far and he is not going to leave me. I have prayed and put it in God's had and he is fighting my battles. I am too intelligent and empowered to allow something like this to ruin me, and my daughters life. She is my reason to keep going and I will do what I have to do to ensure that she is taken care of. And if that day comes when her dad matures to be a father then okay and if not then that is okay too. As for his mother she is not just a drunk she is violent and there are things that I have witnessed first hand, and the sad thing is her drinking is not the cause of this, she is like this before hand. I feel if she wants to be apart of her grand childs life she needs to make an effort. But I have also put that in God's hands. I just wanted to really thank you all for your kind words!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:10pm

Your message is filled with wonderful affirmations!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 11:03am
I agree with ginger.cookie!

Shyla

  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 12:02am
Keep your faith and rely on our Loprd Christ Jesus to take care of your needs. And let it be known that the reason Christ wept and some hurt God and others even today weep and feel some of the hurt is people did not or would not accept Gods right use and prefer or remained in self righteousness the ways of mankind. The answer is given free choice and one has free choice all along the unfoldment of man and art or regeneration. Please go under Unity discussion and read report 5,6 or 7 or was it 4 The goal of life is not marriage but Love.