Afraid of Change...help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Afraid of Change...help!
11
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 1:17pm

I was reading the responses to Afraid to Live and I can totally relate....Now I'm posting about a change my family will be making next fall...pulling my kids out of Catholic school and entering them in public school for the first time...this is my parish school so it is uncomfortable at the moment but I expect it will pass...terrible guilt here.

Early this week I saw the principal (a nun) and I told her some of our reasons for leaving the school...I have not had positive experiences there with other parents, especially the "influential" ones. Our church and school (IMO) priests/administrators have a tendency to pay a lot more attention to those folks with the strong personalities and egos, if you catch my meaning...they give little thought to us regular Joes who actually roll up our sleeves and work rather than delegating work to other folks. Ditto for the kids...the children of the more politically and socially active parents, seem to garner more attention all around, regardless of merit.

The rest of us less vocal parents just kind of fade into the background...we are the wallpaper...my kids feel it too...no matter how well they do, they feel like wallpaper there too. My older child is ready to bolt, in fact, it was at her insistence that we think about leaving...she says the mothers are "like the ones on commercials."

The principal was not happy with me when I hinted that this community is not as warm as I expected, and we are parishners too...she seemed a little annoyed with me...but, how can she expect me to exist on the outside looking in, and paying for this experience too? My kids are good kids, but they aren't included in the social activities there either.

At the public school, already, we've been asked to volunteer next year, and our help is appreciated and welcomed...so different from our present situation in which volunteering is foisted upon us. It felt good to be asked to help...not having to compete with pushy, territorial parents for volunteer jobs.

Last night, my younger child confessed that she will miss her classmates, she cried a bit...and I found myself worrying about the future...and I felt so sad for my child...but that old Catholic guilt is so ingrained in me...is it bad karma to leave our religious "fold", such as it is?...even when you don't really feel very good about yourself in that environment?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 2:05pm

Are you leaving the parish too? I don't see this as you leaving your religious "fold" at all - I see it as concerned mother doing her best to find the best academic & social environment for her children. No matter what denomination (Or lack thereof) the school is based on, if you can find one that you think fits with your needs, go for it! Catholic, public, heck, whatever!

Probably didn't help at all, but there you have it. I for one think you're making a good decision based on your childrens' needs. Change is often scary, but to grow, it is inevitable. You care about your kids, care about what they're exposed to - trust yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 2:19pm

I think you are making the right choice.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:36pm

No, actually, this is very helpful...I've been in this hypocritical world for so long that I've really begun to doubt my instincts...my decision is not just for my kids but for myself too...I'd like to be involved in my children's education more and I hope to do this at the new school...

I've wanted to leave for years now but I wanted it to be a family decision, not just me pulling them out for my sake. I've given much thought to leaving this parish too...they pay a lot of lip service to community involvement but from what I've seen this has not been the case...they say one thing and do another.

I just might get up the nerve to leave it altogether one of these days...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 6:43pm

Thank you, Cara...I hadn't thought of it that way...I know a few folks who have left this school suddenly, they generally use a polite excuse, such as job change, moving, etc. only to find out later their true reasons for leaving: kids being emotionally bullied, not welcomed, etc.

I find this sad, and I understand why the parents felt it necessary to be less than honest...they were probably thinking it won't do any good...and the principal did admit to me that the status quo wasn't going to change there...sigh. I've become very disillusioned with the Catholic Church...from some of the things I've seen there. I don't want my older child to become this way too..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 8:35pm

and why not? Even in parts of the country where Catholicism isn't the biggie, you can still find more than one parish close by.
I'm no longer Catholic, but must admit in the town we're in, there's at least one very community-oriented, active Catholic parish. Many of my friends belong there, and are good, kind, honest folks who like what they're getting out of (and giving into) their church.

So even if you stay Catholic, it couldn't hurt to explore other parishes, right?

Good luck with the exciting changes ahead!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 9:30pm

Yankee2, that happened to me too.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 05-27-2005 - 10:30pm

Trust your heart on this one.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 4:14pm

Wow, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way...I took a quiz on the web for finding out the religion that best suits and my top pick was Quaker...LOL, that would fit, since I don't believe in war...but I know that isn't a popular stance.

The second to the last religion for my profile was Catholic ;).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sat, 05-28-2005 - 4:19pm
You're right...how silly to have doubted myself...I was raised to believe that priests and clergy were the highest authority, it's hard to go against that...but, I always trusted my gut too on finding good childcare and I've never had a bad experience there...as soon as my older child is done with her church obligation, I think it would be best to find a new parish...I'd like to find one like the one in Anne Lamott's book Traveling Mercies...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Mon, 05-30-2005 - 10:39am

Change .. any change .. for the better is hard and will be expressed from the persons involved at different intervals.

 

 

152.6&n

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