Afraid of Change...help!
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| Fri, 05-27-2005 - 1:17pm |
I was reading the responses to Afraid to Live and I can totally relate....Now I'm posting about a change my family will be making next fall...pulling my kids out of Catholic school and entering them in public school for the first time...this is my parish school so it is uncomfortable at the moment but I expect it will pass...terrible guilt here.
Early this week I saw the principal (a nun) and I told her some of our reasons for leaving the school...I have not had positive experiences there with other parents, especially the "influential" ones. Our church and school (IMO) priests/administrators have a tendency to pay a lot more attention to those folks with the strong personalities and egos, if you catch my meaning...they give little thought to us regular Joes who actually roll up our sleeves and work rather than delegating work to other folks. Ditto for the kids...the children of the more politically and socially active parents, seem to garner more attention all around, regardless of merit.
The rest of us less vocal parents just kind of fade into the background...we are the wallpaper...my kids feel it too...no matter how well they do, they feel like wallpaper there too. My older child is ready to bolt, in fact, it was at her insistence that we think about leaving...she says the mothers are "like the ones on commercials."
The principal was not happy with me when I hinted that this community is not as warm as I expected, and we are parishners too...she seemed a little annoyed with me...but, how can she expect me to exist on the outside looking in, and paying for this experience too? My kids are good kids, but they aren't included in the social activities there either.
At the public school, already, we've been asked to volunteer next year, and our help is appreciated and welcomed...so different from our present situation in which volunteering is foisted upon us. It felt good to be asked to help...not having to compete with pushy, territorial parents for volunteer jobs.
Last night, my younger child confessed that she will miss her classmates, she cried a bit...and I found myself worrying about the future...and I felt so sad for my child...but that old Catholic guilt is so ingrained in me...is it bad karma to leave our religious "fold", such as it is?...even when you don't really feel very good about yourself in that environment?

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