How Far Will You Go To Help Another?
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How Far Will You Go To Help Another?
| Fri, 06-24-2005 - 6:59am |
Hey All!
Happy Friday!
How far will you go to help another?
My daughter became close friends with a little girl over the last few months. The little girl has 2 small siblings under the age of 2.
I have let her sleep over here, but I don't trust her father enough to let them keep her over night. He has a long rap sheet of larceny, theft, and numerous drug possessions (cocaine). The mother is nice, but between them both, it's only been her income because he's having a hard time finding a job obviously. She works at McDonald's 3 days a week.
He has been off drugs for 8 months now and that is a great accomplishment..I hope he sticks to it.
It really upset me the last time I went to their house and she invited me in...they didn't even have an oven! I talked to my husband about maybe trying to find a laborer position at his job, He went through quite a bit to hire him on, but got him work. They are very appreciative of it, but this morning, they were driving in his mothers' truck to meet my husband for work and got pulled over for warrants out on his mom! It seems like they have bad luck follow them!
I take their little girl for a couple of days at a time and she is a sweetheart. I don't mind her being here at all.
I don't want to be walked all over either because I tend to have a problem with saying no. I believe people should be given second chances and he seems to have cleaned up his act. They do random drug testing and he's going to all his meetings, etc.
I have always went by the motto, "If you do something good, you get it back tenfold".
How do you feel about helping others? How far do you go? How and when do you say "NO" when the situation worsens?
I thought this would be good food for thought...considering I am wide awake from getting a knock at my door at 6am because he missed meeting my husband for work when he got stopped on his mom's warrant (what have I gotten myself into? LOL)
Love and Blessings,
R-
Happy Friday!
How far will you go to help another?
My daughter became close friends with a little girl over the last few months. The little girl has 2 small siblings under the age of 2.
I have let her sleep over here, but I don't trust her father enough to let them keep her over night. He has a long rap sheet of larceny, theft, and numerous drug possessions (cocaine). The mother is nice, but between them both, it's only been her income because he's having a hard time finding a job obviously. She works at McDonald's 3 days a week.
He has been off drugs for 8 months now and that is a great accomplishment..I hope he sticks to it.
It really upset me the last time I went to their house and she invited me in...they didn't even have an oven! I talked to my husband about maybe trying to find a laborer position at his job, He went through quite a bit to hire him on, but got him work. They are very appreciative of it, but this morning, they were driving in his mothers' truck to meet my husband for work and got pulled over for warrants out on his mom! It seems like they have bad luck follow them!
I take their little girl for a couple of days at a time and she is a sweetheart. I don't mind her being here at all.
I don't want to be walked all over either because I tend to have a problem with saying no. I believe people should be given second chances and he seems to have cleaned up his act. They do random drug testing and he's going to all his meetings, etc.
I have always went by the motto, "If you do something good, you get it back tenfold".
How do you feel about helping others? How far do you go? How and when do you say "NO" when the situation worsens?
I thought this would be good food for thought...considering I am wide awake from getting a knock at my door at 6am because he missed meeting my husband for work when he got stopped on his mom's warrant (what have I gotten myself into? LOL)
Love and Blessings,
R-

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It's always a difficult decision to know when to pull back and let people learn from their own mistakes.
I can tell by the few times that I have talked to her father, that he lacks self esteem in himself. I also know my husband is a great supervisor and, if anyone can help him start in a new direction workwise, it's him.
I just keep picturing those 2 little babies in dirty clothes and all and feel I have to try and do something for them so it doesn't really have to do with the the father, it's the kids.
So far, I don't think I m enabling him, but we'll see as time goes by. When my husband hired him, he told him that he would only start out at 9.00/hr and, as he proves himself, he will get raises, so he has to show interest in advancing himself to stay on with him.
I guess I am worried more about the kids getting the right nutrition and security they deserve. The problem is, my soft spot for those babies may open a door for them to take advantage of me. I hope not. I always love a success story and would love to see one happen with them!
R-
I know what you are saying about going back to old habits...I'm dealing with that with my sister and her boyfriend. He was into coke, went on probation and was clean for a year, then as soon as probation was over, he is back to his old tricks. She definitely enables and makes every excuse not to leave him. Luckily, they have no children together. I also know that, with my sister, it doesn't matter what I say, she won't leave him until she's good and ready. I wish it was soon.
When I saw the house and condition those poor kids were in when I went over, I felt I at least had to try and help. Like I said before, maybe this will be a success story. I will definitely stand my ground,though.
Thanks for your advice!
Robbyn
Good for you with your children!
Virgo, I have to second Cara's post...I had the same reaction regarding your mention of letting your dd go over their home to play...this would make me very uneasy...much as you want to believe these folks will clean up their act, it's really in God's (and their own) hands...and, you don't know what kind of friends they may be entertaining there too.
Someone in my family is a serious drug addict and boy, they can be VERY persuasive when it comes to appearing that they are on the "right track". When they are repentant, they will swear to god this is it, no more...blah, blah, blah. In any case, I would not test their mettle by allowing my child to be put in harm's way, no matter how paranoid it may seem.
I also had a fiancee who got hooked on crank many, many years ago...I was with him for five years and every month he swore to me this was it, he was going to get off, yada, yada...I finally left him as I was fast becoming a codependant.
I do understand how absolutely heartbreaking it is to watch children suffer, comes with the territory of parenthood...you can't ever look at that kind of thing in the same way as before you had kids...in fact, I am watching it now with a dear niece...but that's another post.
Your heart is definitely in the right place...but maybe you would do well to volunteer at your local homeless shelter...I fear you will become emotionally tangled up with these people...they sound well-meaning but I'm not sure...it's the but part that worries me. Be extra careful...
The father worked his first day with my husband and passed his drug test and the mother isn't involved in any illegal activity. My husband said he worked great and made friends fast...it's funny how personable addicts can be when they are clean and how quickly they change if they get back involved in drugs. I've seen that with my sisters' boyfriend.
Cara...I am sorry about what came of the boy you tried to help. I know it must have really hurt you to see what became of him.
I will let my daughter have her friend stay over here still, but I will not let her stay over there. I know my husband will only take so much, so if he does get involved in drugs again, he will fire him. I always try to look for the best in everyone...that's why I say I hope he stays straight.
Yankee...crank is one of the worst drugs to get into and the hardest habit to break...it must have been tough for you to watch someone you loved go through that. I sympathize more for you than your fiance.
I guess it will be a game of wait and see....I always wish for a happy ending, although I know in many instances it doesn't happen.
Thank you all again for your input...it really helps ease my mind
Love and Blessings,
Robbyn
OMG!
This little girl is 7 and surprisingly has good manners and is a very happy child. I haven't heard anything concerning come out of my daughters' mouth yet, and, believe me, my daughter doesn't hold back! If she gets curious about anything she will very bluntly ask me about it!
I still have a tendency to help out people who have had it rough, but I only go so far. My sisters' boyfriend I can't even stomach anymore and would never go out of my way for him again. He still owes us hundreds of dollars, and the sad thing is, my sister makes as much as my husband. What she has to show for it is a little shack, broken down car, and no future. We can feed, clothe, and pay bills for a family of 4 on the same amount...that tells you something.
Hopefully, your son will also continue befriending people of need, but in a better way. It is a good trait to have, he just has to use it to his advantage and understand that there is a fine line...like yankee said.
I guess I'll have to trust my gut and, if I don't feel comfortable, not worry about what they will think, but what would be best for my family.
Thanks again for your insight! It always helps to hear others life experiences when it comes to these things...I feel I have alot more to go by when making decisions!
R-
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